Saturday, December 31, 2016

Oh look, it's a glitter sprinkled cliché.

Bye bye 2016 and all that.
After my recent bout of dealing with unnecessary but still kinda-sorta welcome perfunctory as well as genuine wishes about having a Happy Birthday despite birthdays being days when you're unnecessarily obligated to feel like a special snowflake and getting all miserable when you don't manage, we now tackle New Year.
An artificial construct of time in which we attempt to wipe the slate clean and attempt to make a grand new beginning.
Bah, humbug.

Let's now pretend you read an entire book called "New Year's Carol". At the end, this particular Scrooge grudgingly gives in to the New Year spirit (of the witbier type and otherwise) and does a Year in Review type scene. Let us begin.

  1. This Year was unintentionally very active. I played a lot of Ultimate for most of the year . I ran a LOT. At times, diligently. At times, for the sake of it. Running just because I've committed to a faceless running organisation that I will run this Sunday so faaaine let's do this thang. Let's see if I can do this less mechanically next year. But as a result I stayed in shape this year. A shape that wasn't entirely opprobrious to me. Good stuffs.
  2. I had a lot of fantastic and bizarre food this year. This included Chocolate Cheese Pizza (wtf but gimme), Nutella Sea Salt Cookies (be still my heart) and Bellpepper Tequila cocktails (blech, kill me now).
  3. I made an attempt to stop being a wallflower. Or... to be less of one. Sometimes, I succeeded and revelled in the temporary spotlight I had purposefully waltzed into while gritting my teeth. Sometimes I cringed and wished the spotlight would sprout Usain Bolt legs and go away. Sometimes I tripped over my words, own shoelaces and other people's metaphorical outstretched feet and retired hurt into a corner. This has been a fun and terrifying experiment. Let me continue this. 
  4. As a side effect of point 3, I made friends this year! Don't roll your eyes at me, social butterflies of the world. Until now I was coasting on the same 6 and a half friends I've had for a decade now, who love me enough to understand when I veer violently between incessant chatter and radio silence, so getting close to new people and discovering different types of fun I can have with them was exciting and gratifying, and has made me a much more interesting person.
  5. SOLO TRAVEL WHATTA FUN. I travelled alone to Thailand, getting over many misconceptions of what I need, what I like and what I fear. I had a surprising amount of fun, learnt to like myself a bit more, and gave myself a dhobi-list of things to work on.
  6. This year was a bit muddled in my head. I struggled a lot with anxiety of some sort or the other for most of the latter part of the year. Work related, family related, general life-is-overwhelming-me-please-let-me-die-now related. With the help of a couple of friends who are like family and one wonderful husband who I'm honoured is my actual family, I'm doing a bit better now.
  7. Gimme some looove. Ok fine keep your love, I'll just hug the many accolades I got  this year to keep myself warm at night with those. 12 half-marathons done. Advanced open water scuba diving certification attained. What bling, what swag.
  8. I wrote a tiny little bit more than I have for a while, with a nutso Instagram account for my cats, and general creative writing assignments that were done impromptu through whatsapp messages with some cuckoo friends. Yay. 
  9. The feeling of coming home, crashing into bed and being surrounded by 2 furry little feline bodies who mew into my ear, lick my hand, furiously demand head-rubs, and trustingly settle onto my chest, curl up near my ear, or snuggle into the little space between my bent knees as I sleep on my side might just be my preferred panacea. 
2016 was tough, but pretty fantastic overall.

Happy New Year guys. I wish you zero hangovers, a lot of great action and the love of many little animals in 2017. 

Monday, March 28, 2016

The drilling noise isn't particularly deafening.

Recently I've been duplicating bits of me through piddly stories and opinions, and leaving them with new people I meet. 
Some will hopefully stick around and imbibe more, making my presence larger, more tangible, more real. 
Others will leave, taking bits of me to places I'm present only through vague memories and once-upon-some-times. 

From having an apparent chronic inability to approach new people, to talk and to share, to becoming a tad more outgoing and trying to drill a little hole through the shell I've been hiding in for a while, I'm doing rather better than I expected to.