Monday, October 24, 2011

Ba-dam-bam Bombay.

Imagine if Bombay were a person. She'd be a girl. A very whimsical, musical, charming, unhealthy, chain-smoking girl.

The highways are her arteries, the bylanes her capillaries. The traffic flowing endlessly over the roads are like the blood flowing through her. And every traffic jam is a blood clot.

Bombay needs serious amounts of heparin, yo.


Parle G is just a cheap biscuit to most of India. But for people who travel regularly on the Western line of the Bombay locals, it's much more. Just after Andheri, the pervasive smell of Parle G wafts over the tracks and makes all those people who were too busy to have breakfast extremely hungry. People don't need the train announcement, they always know when Parle station is coming up just by the smell.

I wish the smell was sold as a deodorant. Or an air freshener. I'd totally buy it and spray it in the compartment at random intervals and confuse everybody as to where exactly they were.

After the recent auto strike, getting an auto has turned into stressful task #1 in this place. But I'm seeing an interesting side effect. People are nicer than ever before. People look around and offer to share autos with whoever needs it, without being asked. People have become shameless in asking to be dropped off to places on the way. Absolute strangers, brought together by faulty meters. I invariably end up sharing autos with sweet old uncles resembling my dad who never let me pay the fare.

I foresee a Bollywood movie where the lead pair meet like this. Auto-matic pyaar ho jayega.


Recently at work, I've had to face my biggest fear on a regular basis. Microsoft Excel. *shudder*

The following comic demonstrates my feelings on the topic. Since my caricatures look like insects and my stick figures look as though my characters have been hacked at by chainsaws, the famous chuck_gopal has provided his excellent illustrations. Click to enlarge. Enjoy.


Mihir said...

Excel came close to killing me once too. Thankfully, there is a "save" option in there.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant Post Punavti!
Being in Mumbai, I can relate to a lot of smells n sounds of your post!
And I totally agree with your thoughts on Parle G

eye-in-sty-in said...

lol @ auto-matic pyar! Interesting comparison on arteries and clots! The city has multiple heart attacks daily. Why do we need autos? unsafe, unruly, no privacy, unavailable, unreliable! they are no1 cause of heart attacks to Bombay!
PS: thanks 4 using b'bay and not mumbai!

Punvati said...

@Mihir- There should be a set on fire option in there too.

@Lumukhu- Thanks :)

@eye-in-sty-in- Till we become rich enough to get cars to clog up the roads even more, don't we need autos? :)

eye-in-sty-in said...

A nano can do the same job without putting people in harms way. 4 wheels better than 3.
A car being less agile will create fewer jams as drivers observe better lane discipline.
Ye can use more buses instead. When there is auto strike, life goes on a bit better.
I could go on and on. But you get the point. Happy diwali to you.

xyzandme said...

Mumbai better be a girl, coz I love it!

I have sipped tea, inhaling that divine smell, sitting in the balcony of my cousin sisters apartment which is too close to the glucose biscuit factory.

Buddha uncles and young girls.. cheeni kum part 2? or cheeni khatam?

security equipment said...

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The Reverse Affect said...

Sharing rides like that in India?! Here in Chicago I get lucky to have one of my good friends drive me anywhere

Amarnath Pallath said...

Having spent time in Mumbai for long - I felt yourpost resembled something very personal - when you relate Mumbai as a female. Good reading

Adhirath said...

:) Hello..long time? This is me trying to relive some old stuff..wouldn't know enough about Bombay to comment..but do know one thing..HATE EXCEL..MUST DESTROY..arrgghh!

Punvati said...

@xyzandme- Who knew a biscuit smell could trigger nostalgia like that.

@Security- My pleasure.

@Reverse Affect- Haha happens everywhere.

@Amarnath- Thanks :)

@Adhi- Hello! Excel is the Devil.

Usha A. said...

Interesting post indeed! :) Enjoyed reading this piece.

Punvati said...

Thanks Usha :)

themasterhimself said...

I wonder if Parel has that Parle smell you were talking about :)

Punvati said...

@themasterhimself- Vile Parle :)

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