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Monday, October 24, 2011

Ba-dam-bam Bombay.

Imagine if Bombay were a person. She'd be a girl. A very whimsical, musical, charming, unhealthy, chain-smoking girl.

The highways are her arteries, the bylanes her capillaries. The traffic flowing endlessly over the roads are like the blood flowing through her. And every traffic jam is a blood clot.

Bombay needs serious amounts of heparin, yo.

***

Parle G is just a cheap biscuit to most of India. But for people who travel regularly on the Western line of the Bombay locals, it's much more. Just after Andheri, the pervasive smell of Parle G wafts over the tracks and makes all those people who were too busy to have breakfast extremely hungry. People don't need the train announcement, they always know when Parle station is coming up just by the smell.

I wish the smell was sold as a deodorant. Or an air freshener. I'd totally buy it and spray it in the compartment at random intervals and confuse everybody as to where exactly they were.

***
After the recent auto strike, getting an auto has turned into stressful task #1 in this place. But I'm seeing an interesting side effect. People are nicer than ever before. People look around and offer to share autos with whoever needs it, without being asked. People have become shameless in asking to be dropped off to places on the way. Absolute strangers, brought together by faulty meters. I invariably end up sharing autos with sweet old uncles resembling my dad who never let me pay the fare.

I foresee a Bollywood movie where the lead pair meet like this. Auto-matic pyaar ho jayega.

***

Recently at work, I've had to face my biggest fear on a regular basis. Microsoft Excel. *shudder*

The following comic demonstrates my feelings on the topic. Since my caricatures look like insects and my stick figures look as though my characters have been hacked at by chainsaws, the famous chuck_gopal has provided his excellent illustrations. Click to enlarge. Enjoy.



Saturday, October 01, 2011

Cheese.


I've developed the endearing habit of staring into space and dreaming up grisly situations wherever I am. In my own head, I am the Akshay Kumar of all things unexpected. A sudden durghatna. Shock. Horror. Need for quick thinking and quicker action. I so cool. So brave. So awesome.

It's a slight downer to realise that I shall never have the guts to do anything but scream loudly and flap my arms about if anything actually happens.

My time nowadays is divided between monotony, gruesome daydreams, castles in the air and grilled cheese sandwiches. The castles in the air are all different. Some have flags that wave gaily in the air. Some are actually situated on islands in the air by means of cool new technology, Firefly style.

All of them have sandwich makers.