Thursday, August 25, 2011

Anything can be made into a slow motion short film

Last night, I was presented a freshly made sandwich.

"Mmm", I thought, "What a delight. Let me bite into this with great pomp and splendour."

And I did just that.

Just then, a hot tomato peel unwound itself from a tomato slice and landed squarely on my bottom lip. It was very very hot. Jump up and down and shake head to dislodge it kind of hot.

But, unknown to me, this tomato peel was from a tomato slice that was from a tomato that was from a tomato plant that had grown from a tomato seed that had been sat on by a leech just after being sown. This soon became increasingly apparent since the tomato peel was exhibiting astonishingly leech-like abilities.

After all these shenanigans, my lip was purple and swollen

(Bittersweet ending)
It is a day later and my lip has now healed. It is now, however, unnaturally flat.

I should get around to writing my acceptance speech for the award for Most Ridiculous Accident Ever.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Washing powder Nirma

Have you ever tried remaining in one bedroom for one solid month with one solitary special joy trip to the living room? Have you? No, not in the fun way.

It is not nice.

There is a jhinchaak orange and blue colour bedsheet on my bed with over-happy flowers on it. Very nice and jarring. But I might have cabin fever. So everything is appearing a dull uniform shade of beige. The flowers are turning into little squiggles and intermingling. Sexual reproduction of flowers, who'd have thunk it?

No one is understanding this dulling of colour business. It's as though I am in a Rin safedi ad and I'm the idiot who doesn't use Rin soap.

Rin soap should be made a metaphor. When life is dull, whatever brightens your day is your Rin soap. Love life lacklustre, dorling? Have no fear, I shall be your Rin soap.

Everyone's Prince Charming and Knight in Shining Armour has his undies washed with Rin soap.

I am not being paid by Rin for writing this post. Too bad too.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

How YOU doin?

So I've been away a while. And I've faced an onslaught of complaints. People grumble about why I haven't been blogging. They beg me to write. They express their sorrow at the lack of Google Reader updates. Very soon, I foresee a crowd gathering underneath my window with placards and candles, in an attempt to appeal to my sensitive side, just so I write something. I'm here only because I want to save the paper that would have gone into making those placards.

Alright so two people asked me why I haven't been blogging when I have all this free time.

I had a small accident and have been deemed out of commission for a few months. I had to lie in bed with a 3kg weight hanging from my leg for a month. As a direct result there is now a giant Punvati shaped dent in my bed.

Another direct result is that my parents are utterly freaked and are fussing over me like no one has ever fussed before. I implore you not to envy me. This just means I am on a 3 month chicken hiatus since the parentals disapprove of my animal consumption habit. That hurts more than my leg does.

I bought a Nook and am currently in lust with it. I'm reading like a woman possessed, apart from the times my family takes it from me and keeps it just out of my reach so that the invalid me can't get at it. I have a funfun family, yes?

I have started reading the Marvel X men comics. Last night I dreamt I was making out with Cyclops on Magneto's asteroid. This dream was the highlight of my week.

The maid we've hired to help my mom lug me from bed to dining table likes watching Hindi soaps. I'm totally digging why the evil mother in law with all that kajal is yelling at her sniveling bahu about making them lose the grand saas-bahu cookoff challenge. This is the shit.

I <3 him. I do. Go read his blog and tell him you <3 him too.