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Sunday, August 15, 2010

Dark side of the dune.

The Pharaoh dined alone that morning. The slave who cleared the table had never seen him this restless. His foot was tapping a mile a minute and he seemed to be in serious need of a pair of boxing gloves and a speedball. If the slave had been so bold, he would have suggested a goblet of wine to take the edge off.

The Pharaoh met with his Chief Advisor. The first item on the agenda for the day was to discuss a suitable punishment for the new Chief Engineer's screw up with his first Royal Commission, the very first pair of royal tombs. The Advisor was of the opinion that anyone who refused to follow instructions and instead chose to get baked and listen to Pink Floyd all day long while delegating work to the slaves was in need of a severe reprimanding at the very least.

"I don't know", the Pharaoh frowned. "I sort of like the new triangular shape that this chappie has come up with. A set of these right next to each other would look mighty fine in an aerial view. Tell him to proceed."

The Chief Advisor was puzzled. Given the Pharaoh's unusually foul mood, he had expected a death sentence for the talented, yet scatterbrained architect for his unfortunate mistake. "Your Highness, not to sound too crass, but don't you think that an aerial view would make the two tombs resemble... er..."

"Say no more. Am I right in assuming that you are thinking of certain garments of a rather delicate nature of a female entertainer named Madonna that are conical in shape? You emphatic attempts at driving your chin ornament into your chest confirm my suspicions. Would you mind if I shared something with you? It's a tad TMI, but eh what the heck. "

"Er. No your Majesty. Go right ahead. You are assured my discretion."

"You see, the Queen and I have been having some problems of late. In the bedroom department, if you know what I mean. It's quite maddening to say the least, and it reached its peak last night."

"Oh?"

"Yes. You see, I know she technically becomes famous later because of her bust and all, but honestly, that shrew. Her name should be legally changed to Never-titty."

Saturday, August 14, 2010

And now for something completely different

Under the apple tree
He pulled her close
Raindrops falling onto them from the storm just past.

He gazed at her with love in his eyes.
"Before they see us, tell me now.
Will you come with me?

To the edge of the universe
Where time stands still.
Just you and me, forevermore"

She looked at him, puzzled. Poor chap.
So earnest, so verbose.
Why wasn't he just saying "Wanna fuck?" like everyone else?

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

I miss Suppandi, in the Tinkle of yore.

If Clark Kent were to work in a soup kitchen for the homeless, he would be SouperMan.

If he had to go home for a formal dinner with relatives, he would be SupperMan.

If he were to become a hitman for the Indian Mafia, he would be SupariMan.

If he joined the military, he would be TrooperMan.

If he were to be the spokesperson for a breakfast cereal, he would be FruitlooperMan.

If he absolutely loved the movie Raavan, he would change his name to SuperManiRatnam.

Monday, August 02, 2010

Main hamesha tumhare dil mein rahoongi Raj.

Dear readers,

I imagine this post being read out to you in a voiceover, just like in all those movies where the male lead gets a senti letter from the female lead in which she tells him how much she loves him and how sad she is that she will never see him again.

Only, it might be slightly creepy because if you are listening to music, the music would have to unexpectedly stop when the voiceover begins or else it would be utter cacophony. If not, a sudden disembodied voice coming from nowhere might startle some of you. But not all of you. I’m sure a few of you are used to hearing disembodied voices. It’s like talking to yourself, only different.

Another problem I can foresee is that some of you might not know what my voice sounds like. For those who don’t, let me assure you I sound incredibly sexy.

Also,just for the sake of this voice emanating out of nowhere business: Lawnmower. Protractor. Valedictorian. Nihilist. Slartibartfast. Los Alamos. Fun words to hear randomly, yes?

Goodnight.