Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Rise of the Auto-man empire.

"Armed and dangerous" jokes have been made about my new template. Largely by me. But let us not take away from the brilliance nonetheless.

It rains in Bombay. Pours madly down on those hapless souls who clutch their umbrellas despite already being drenched. The very umbrellas then then go careening away. Makes a lot more sense, that. Unless, of course, you make the fatal mistake of wearing a white formal shirt to work. There was almost a vairy filmy Limca ad in the making on the way to work today.

I hate the new auto rates. Also, the autowalas seem to have this new sense of superiority about them nowadays. "We win, you lose, sucker" type expressions. I might be a bit paranoid. There is a distinct possibility of that, yes. They have definitely started acting more pricey than normal though. Noticed the pun on the word pricey? Notice it now then. Hah.

I encountered an interesting auto chap yesterday who agreed to take me to the station after half a dozen others flatly refused to, because it was too short a ride. After seeing me fume, he graciously told me he would take me to the station and then commenced ranting about his colleagues. He informed me that autowalas are not allowed to refuse anybody, and violation of this rule was subject to a fine of Rs. 1200. He didn't actually use those words, of course. I am a textbook case of "you know you've been in law school too long when..." - syndrome.

Anyway. "What right do we have to refuse anyone?" the autowala grandiosely proclaimed. He then took it upon himself to provide me with sneaky little tips and tricks on how to ensure that no auto would ever refuse to take me anywhere I wanted. "If you want to go to Andheri, say you want to go to Dahisar. If you want to go to Goregaon Station, tell him you want to go to Malad. Just get down mid way. You can never fail!" he said.

With the useful and amusing pontification continuing in the background, I was duly dropped off at the station. As I was hunting for change, a harried looking man in a crumpled shirt ran up to my auto and stated his destination. To which the autowala made a face and rudely refused. As he turned to take the change, he conveniently ignores my raised eyebrow and gives me the Hindi version of "Capiche?"

Whatay awesomeness.


The New Age Superhero said...

Hence, they invented bikes

And "Capiche"? what?

Punvati said...

Matlab "samjhe"

ramsub said...

I hate auto-wallahs! I HATE HATE HATE them. The ones in Delhi refuse to take you anywhere for less than double the fare, the ones in jodhpur, heaven only knows what rate they're charging us.... but at least they agree to get you where you wanna go coz the ones in Bangalore and Bombay refuse to budge unless you're going exactly where they wanna go. I have screamed at no fewer than 6 autowallahs and the last one was a particulary nasty episode with me giving the guy the finger and storming off.

I need autowallah anger management classes.

ramsub said...

however on some umm... reminiscing, I uh prefer the autowallahs who overcharge to the creepy ones who offer to take me wherever I want to for ten rupees. Utterly utterly creepy. true story.

soin said...

every house should auto.with floro yellow green or orange paint.free

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

Hahahahahaha! Second most incredible auto story I've heard since Naren's auto driver got down after he dissed Dravid, the driver proceeding to show Dravid's forward defensive stoke (alas, a pun was lost - he could have shown a cover drive).

Anyhow. I once had an auto dude whose meter was conked and I needed to get to my interview on time... I handed him a 100 buck note and told him to keep it... He said, "nahin boss, bas assi". Flabbergasted I was!

You do get these gems once in a while :)

Punvati said...

@Ramu- I'd probably earn more being an autowala in Jodhpur than by being a lawyer :|

@Soin- I never know what to say to you :D

@Deepak- I liked your B school taxi wala story more :D

Tamanna Mishra said...

If you think the auto wallahs in Bombay are annoying, try the ones in Bangalore. I am nearly always THIS close to hitting them. I have had to report to 3 of them so far, for various reasons.

I hate the auto man empire!

jimi said...

Bangalore's autowallahs definately earn more than their passengers. Guarantee.