Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Rise of the Auto-man empire.

"Armed and dangerous" jokes have been made about my new template. Largely by me. But let us not take away from the brilliance nonetheless.

It rains in Bombay. Pours madly down on those hapless souls who clutch their umbrellas despite already being drenched. The very umbrellas then then go careening away. Makes a lot more sense, that. Unless, of course, you make the fatal mistake of wearing a white formal shirt to work. There was almost a vairy filmy Limca ad in the making on the way to work today.

I hate the new auto rates. Also, the autowalas seem to have this new sense of superiority about them nowadays. "We win, you lose, sucker" type expressions. I might be a bit paranoid. There is a distinct possibility of that, yes. They have definitely started acting more pricey than normal though. Noticed the pun on the word pricey? Notice it now then. Hah.

I encountered an interesting auto chap yesterday who agreed to take me to the station after half a dozen others flatly refused to, because it was too short a ride. After seeing me fume, he graciously told me he would take me to the station and then commenced ranting about his colleagues. He informed me that autowalas are not allowed to refuse anybody, and violation of this rule was subject to a fine of Rs. 1200. He didn't actually use those words, of course. I am a textbook case of "you know you've been in law school too long when..." - syndrome.

Anyway. "What right do we have to refuse anyone?" the autowala grandiosely proclaimed. He then took it upon himself to provide me with sneaky little tips and tricks on how to ensure that no auto would ever refuse to take me anywhere I wanted. "If you want to go to Andheri, say you want to go to Dahisar. If you want to go to Goregaon Station, tell him you want to go to Malad. Just get down mid way. You can never fail!" he said.

With the useful and amusing pontification continuing in the background, I was duly dropped off at the station. As I was hunting for change, a harried looking man in a crumpled shirt ran up to my auto and stated his destination. To which the autowala made a face and rudely refused. As he turned to take the change, he conveniently ignores my raised eyebrow and gives me the Hindi version of "Capiche?"

Whatay awesomeness.

Friday, June 11, 2010


I'll start off with- Look at my template! Look at it! Isn't it awesome!?

Ahem. Commence formal explanation.

People keep saying I am the global repository of the worst jokes ever. I snigger when I hear jokes that make people cringe. I get worked up and excited when I think of my next terrible joke. I'll leave the description to my loving friends, they will be more than delighted to provide crude and cruel imitations of me itching to share my latest bad pun.

So anyhoodle. Due credits for this BRILLIANT new template go to two people. Firstly, her, for coming up with the whole idea. She is also gradually progressing towards utter destitution in the humour department. For example, she recently said the following:
  • Bananas are ugly. Like pigeons.
  • I feel like I'm in a coffin. Only its *slightly* disturbing having you next to me.
  • I feel like a heater. I should be kept in somebody's room.
  • His name was... Something, something else. You know, like a name and a surname.
  • I feel so dry. It's like you can pickle me and put me in a jar.
In short, thank you Sindhu.

Secondly, props to him. The last proper template I had prompted him to say that it gave him the impression of a Hawaaian trying to go goth. So, out of the kindness of his heart and after a lot of nagging, he made me this template. Which kicks ass, to say the least. This man is brilliant. He is talented. He works (for me) for free. Somebody please give him a glamorous job and lots of money so he can stop cribbing about how he spent so much time on my template and didn't get any benefit from it. Cash or kind. So this is me being his official pimp. Give him work and/or give him some action. He is very much awesome. (At the designing bit, the rest I cannot vouch for.) Much love, Suk. I owe you a beer. Or three.


Tuesday, June 08, 2010

The one in which I see little birds flying around my head, like in those Tom and Jerry cartoons

The strangest accidents happen to me when I intern.

Today a box file landed squarely on my head. Where it came from, I have not the faintest idea. It was followed in quick pursuit by an extremely apologetic fellow intern. Which is not to say the intern landed on my head as well.

The file was around a foot thick. It was held together by some sort of twine. Which gave way due to the impact and gracefully spewed hundreds of sheets of green legal paper all over me. Of course, the partner happened to be passing by at that very moment and found me looking very dazed, attempting to gather several handfuls of paper without letting them, or myself, fall down, and failing miserably. I had quite a vivid mental image of Uncle Scrooge swimming in a huge pile of money at that point.

My head hurts.

At least I gave the boss a good laugh. Along with the rest of the office.

Let's hope I get paid now.