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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Just don't ask me why.

I’ve done several stupid things in life, of course. Beginning to list them would just be idiocy. But one of them stands out with a bright pink ribbon on as being absolutely ridiculous, for me atleast.

Once, around three years ago, I was addicted to codeine. I was a hardcore insomniac and would literally spend weeks of sleepless nights, just tossing feverishly. It helped me sleep, it helped me function throughout the day. And then it helped me sleep again. Back then, nothing could beat that simple bliss of simply being able to sleep in peace. And then somehow, when I got a tad too attached to it, I stopped it, withdrawal symptoms and all. That's another story though.

Early this year, I was depressed. Several horrible things had happened and I just couldn’t be more torn or trapped in my own head than I already was. And unfortunately, possessing the brilliant habit of overthinking things and turning them over and over in my head, on one particular evening I could simply not take it anymore. Just being conscious was driving me crazy. That, and my tendency to sleep whenever I’m depressed joined forces and told me to have some codeine again so I could sleep and escape the madness that was my very being. Half a bottle worth, to boot. And then I slept. And slept. And fell upwards in my sleep. And gibbered. And spun. And tossed. And cried. And flailed. And had the most miserable, trippy, crazy, depressing 15 hours of sleep ever. And woke up the next day, still depressed, but determined NEVER to do that again. Insanity. Not only was everything I was obsessing about magnified, but twisted and vibrant and mashed up in my head at the time. If that makes any sense at all. There was one very glaringly obvious lesson learnt.

Now, it’s just reserved for when the weather changes and I get one my famous colds that insist on lasting for a month at a time.

(Now pay heed to the title people. It's there for a reason.)

10 comments:

St.Banger said...

damn.. now only if you hadn't made that final remark! :P

indiegurl said...

@divi - brave. very brave.

@suk - "st.banger"? really?!

soin said...

why not just consume alcohol and be done...marijuana has no hangover and is cheap too.. problem is it smells a bit..free

Divya said...

Suk- Really.. st. Banger? Come ON!'

Indiegurl- Um.

Soin- Not really the point na...

Nigel said...

wow.. codeine...I'm actually scared for you.. or it is supposed to be a joke?

Divya said...

Not a joke. But wasn't so serious and all.. chill :)

Hakuna Matata said...

Oh.wow. *Respect*

Nigel said...

@Sindhu: Yeah, I have respect for people willing to change :)

@Divya: Do be careful. Well, I leave it at that.

Bedazzled said...

i have done this a few times as well .. nothing like cough syrup to put u to sleep.. !!!

ramsub said...

@ divi, we've done a lot worse haven't we? hug. I'd tell you to try my (prefered) method of falling asleep btw... except that then we'd keep banging into each other in the corridor.