Saturday, August 15, 2009

Sexed out

Recently, all of us girls ended up discussing how we got our respective sex education, or as we call it, "The Talk". One of us got sat down at 13 by her mom and got the birds and bees talk freely as though the weather was being discussed, one got gifted a book so that the parents wouldn't actually have to talk about the embarrassing subject, and a few, like me, just learnt about it from various extraneous sources.

I had heard the word sex several times of course; I just never knew what it meant. Soon, I figured that it was the process by which babies were formed, but didn't know the actual method people went about it. The phrase "having sex" sounded too much to me like "having dinner" or "having a glass of milk" for my imagination to run wild. However, when I was in the 8th grade, I just figured in out in my head after reading too many novels and watching too many sitcoms that this might be what people do, and then dismissed it because it seemed way too implausible and just plain weird. Imagine my surprise a year later when I read the same thing I had thought of in my biology book. I was extremely impressed with myself for figuring it out and way grossed out by the actual process.

I was never one of those kids who thought that girls became pregnant when they got kissed by boys, like so many did, including some of my friends. I'm not sure how I thought they came into existence in the first place; I just always assumed I'd find out later. In this regard, I was once reading a book when I was around 12 (hence without having even an inkling as to what sex was) in which a couple was having a baby without being married. To my innocent institutionialised self, something seemed terribly wrong. I went to my mom and told her about the situation, after which I asked her how this was possible and whether people could even have babies without being married. My mom made it a point to hurriedly reassure me that it was not possible and only after marriage could babies be born and there was something obviously wrong with the book I was reading, making a mental note to carefully monitor which books I was allowed to read from now on. But I was not to be placated. How, I demanded to know, could the body know if a person was married? How would it know that a paper had been signed and a chain been put around the girls neck for a baby to suddenly sprout inside of her? My poor mom had to bear the brunt of my uber curious self for quite a bit until she managed to extricate herself from the situation by vanishing into the kitchen.

I admit though, I was quite a late bloomer in so many respects when it came to these things. Till my 6th grade I thought the word sexy was an expletive. Till I was in my 9th grade, I had only a faint idea what sex was. Till my 10th grade, I had no idea what a condom was. Only when I was 16 did I find out what the work f*ck meant. (Till then I had always thought it's a word like b*stard which was, to me, just a random expression that all South Indian drivers used with great cheer and enthusiasm whenever they got cut off at a signal.) On hearing all of this, my worldly wise friends can only shake their heads in amused bewilderment and wonder if I was in fact living under a rock for the entirety of my adolescent life. What can I say? :P


indiegurl said...

HELLO tam drivers do NOT have need of pansy english phraseology in moments of anger. They are sufficiently equipped in their own tongue. Of course, I cannot speak for other species of south-indians. Tam drivers say:

1. "savugiraaki! car-aa maatuvandi-aa?!"

(O one who-clearly-love-death-too much-for-good-health! Are you operating under the delusion that your automobile is a buffalo cart?)

2. "deeeii! oot-la soltu vandhirukkiya?"

("Hello, have you informed your family of your imminent death by hit-and-run?")

3. "yo! mount road-aa, indhi-padamaa?"

("Yo! Is this Mount Road or a hindi movie?")

..and so on.

Excuse long comment. I simply felt the need to clarify the position of tamil drivers, whose skills and vocab i greatly admire. :)

(word verification - exsess)

another brick in the wall said...

It was in 6th grade when 4 of us friends were playing scrabble, that I had 4 letters remaining and they were "F", "U", "C", "K". So I shouted out, "if only FUCK was a word" and I didn't even know it was a word back then. My friend hushed me immediately and said it is a dirty word and don't use it or I might get beaten up. I started shouting "fuck fuck fuck" and told him to explain me the meaning else I'll beat him up. He said it is really dirty and he ran away. I was left confused. Then the great Govinda-Karishma Kapoor song "Sexy sexy sexy mujhe log bole" came up. I was in 7th grade then. I kept on asking everyone, what is this word "sexy" and again the same friend hushed me up, saying it's a dirty word, don't use it. Finally, I opened a dictionary which only confused me to no extent "sexy [adj.] something that is sexually arousing". Now, my english has always been pathetic, and it was more so back then. I never first understood the word "Sexy" and here come two words equally challenging for me to understand "sexually" and "arousing". So I first tried looking at sex and the number of definitions the dictionary held for the word, left me completely confused. I do not recall if I went on to search for the meaning of "arousing" after that. Anyway, by the end of 7th grade, some "good" people had introduced me to some swear words and had tried to explain me what these words meant. None of the meanings were correct. "Asshole" was explained as "Son of a raped woman". "Rape" was explained as "woman's clothes being torn off by men, as shown in the Sunny Deol movie [from where the famous "tarikh pe tarikh pe taarikh" dialogue comes]. I still wasn't sure what sex meant. "Bastard" was explained correctly though. But I remember playing this quiz where I was made to tick the correct meanings of the swear words and there was a question in the "exam" which was "differentiate between a bastard and an asshole". God! Was I hanging out with some idiots back then :D. In 9th std, our teachers had arranged for a sex-education class and my mom was really hesitant on letting me attend the same, but attendance being compulsory, I had to go. The person never gave any lecture, he just asked us a simple question "what is sex?" and everyone was giggling. He then told us to ask whatever we had in mind without having any fear whatsoever. Initially, questions were more related to AIDS and how AIDS spreads but the term "sexually transmitted disease" was never explained. Then someone got up and asked "Will I get AIDS if I masturbate everyday? My friend tells me that masturbation can also cause AIDS" and the teachers were then shell-shocked and just called off the discussion. "Sex" still remained a mystery to me. Only in 10th, that a friend explained me in detail what sex meant. I thought it was really stupid and painful. Why will anyone even do that to the ones they love etc. I used to think, people get married, somehow the sperms get transferred when they sleep in the bed and that's all, out come the babies! Actual "sex" seemed like a desperate measure to me. Then I asked this friend, with whom I shared a crush on some female, if he really intended to have sex with a female and he said "How will I make babies otherwise?" That's it! There it was. My answer to the greatest mystery in the universe. I didn't need to ask anyone anything at all after that.

**swordfishh** said...

In my defense-- I wasn't the one who thought girls got pregnant after getting kissed by boys :P :P A few of my dumb friends thought so... I never fell fr that unscientific trash :P :P ...

After having heard how I resembled my father for 8 years of my life, I was determined to crack the mystery of how I could come out of my Mom's belly and yet resemble my Dad...

I didn't have to look very far for the answer... We sneaked a 'restricted' book from the School library and read about the 'process'... Oh yea... And then I sought some help from Merriam Webster to find out what Penis and Vagina actually meant...

All this at the age of 9... I am so proud of myself... He he... Too bad my dumb friends didn't believe me even after reading the book with me!!

**swordfishh** said...

FUCK -- Merriam Webster helped me solve that mystery :P :P

Bastard -- A word I heard in class 2 when Rishab got Medha, his gf pregnant in the serial 'Swabhimaan'... and when Anupam Kher got some female named Lakshmi pregnant in some random Hindi movie... Merriam Webster did the trick again :) I flipped over 100 pages before I came across the word... I didn't know how to read a Dictionary back then!!

ramsub said...

I was utterly confused by "kissing" the act aged 5, my parents used to watch Santa Barbara and I could never understand what the adults kept doing to each other........

in grade 6 after watching "being john malkovich", homosexuality took me for a total toss, I had no idea what it was about, was it a different inter-gender, how did you know you were one (btw said question still persists)

kamasutra girl said...

So, how does a woman really get pregnant? Is it the same Newton's 4th law?

Two and fro motion produces white.............Lotion?..:D

agent green glass said...

so i read this somewhere. a girl's convent school in bhopal or indore, i forget. the nuns are forced to take sex ed by a government directive.

sister whatever-her-name-is brings a plug to class, and sticks it into the socket, telling all 40 impressionable girls this is what sex is! when the guy puts the plug into the girl's socket!

so i wonder, did these girls grow up...and wait for the guy to pull a plug outta his pocket? did they blush every time the electric bill came home, and look at their parents in wonder? and most importantly, what did they do for recreation when the power went off?

shreya said...

ahh the topic of ze sex.. i remember when it very indirectly came up in a conversation with my mum about me wanting a sister.. i said "amma i want sister.. what can we do".. me dear mams apt reply "chellam bahavana vandindu doctor kitta pona unnaku tanga papa porunduthun".. i.e(for all non tams) "pray to god and go to the doctor and you will get baby sister".. well she very obviously missed out the pleasurable part between the praying and the doctor!

Anonymous said...

I was educated by my kind neighborhood friend while I was still in pre-primary.

I've been horny since then.

**swordfishh** said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
**swordfishh** said...

Oh have I told u about my cousin who was 7 years and wanted a lil baby sis or bro??

One day she proclaimed that she would feed her mom as many ice creams and chocolates as she could so that her Mom would bloat up and one fine day spit out a baby ...Yes.. She thought human beings procreate through Binary Fission- like Amoeba...

And pregnant women were just fat women who gave birth to babies to get rid of their extra belly fat!!

Hakuna Matata said...

I still cant get the "I want CPC bareact" picture out of my mind.


Divs said...

@divya - u call that late blooming?

I heard the word bastard somewhere n cursed a girl the same who used to play with us.. in class 2.. her mum asked me do i know wht that meant.. I said no..she let me off the hook.. I think i got the meaning when i was in.. 7th..

some stupid female friend of mine told me whisper was used when people has sex. stupid morons. This was in class 2. :| and i believed it till class 5.

what are cousins for! :P the only girl cousin i had educated me about all these things since she was 7 yrs or so older than me.. My parents were spared out of the trouble..

I came to know what the word fuck means in class 11. when a close frnds kid brother explained it. :|
I've never been good with swear words.. Not now though :P

@suk - hehee.. I like ur story! :P

@ulhas - rotflamo! since pre primary! then atleast a 100 million is washed down the drain since then ? :P

Anonymous said...

see now if girls read more porn than silly romance novels all this confusion wouldn't arise ;)

Divya said...

@Indiegurl- Tam drivers in Bombay!!! Where the other drivers on the road do not understand the significance of maatuvandi and ooru-suthhal!

@ABW- A small post as a comment as usual.. I wish fuck was a word.. so cute!

@Swordfishh-Wow that method of looking up a word sounds painful :D And such a cute cousin you have! If that was the case, with all the weight I've shed over the years, I'd have atleast three kids by now :P

@Ramsub- Me too about the kissing.. I just somehow got the feeling all the time that I'm witnessing something I shouldnt be seeing with parents and we would all go quiet when a kissing scene would come.. I'm specifically talking about the times me and the family would sit and watch Sound of Music together.

@Kamasutra Girl- Why have you put that as your name here btw when it's something else on your blog? Just curious that's all... And oh my god! I was told only after your comment that what you said is an old joke but I was bowled by the genius of it when i read your comment :P

@AGG- Wow... I wonder those girls didn't grow up with an "electra" complex :P But on a more serious note, how utterly silly!

@Shreya- Any effect all that had? :P

@Virus- Shows my friend. Shows.

@Hakuna- *FIST*

@Divs- very late blooming!! Look at yourself even :P

@Annon- Perhaps :P :D

ZB said...

ha ! nice. But indeed late bloom...i knew all these when i was in KG. By the time i was in 2nd std i was already a veteran of several dates. :0

As the Mind Meanders said...

I dont remember when I first got to know about sex... is that normal???

I am worried now... why did you have to write this post :-(

And no... I am not 80... yet...

Divya said...

@ZB- way to go ZB bhai... player since birth and all :P

@Meandering Mind- Hey as long as you know what to do when the time comes :P

eM said...

okey....so, sex sells. Humm, it does.

Divya said...

@eM- Whaddaya know... You think along the same lines as the man who initially came up with the concept of the thriving-and-overjoyed-about-it adult film industry. Humm, what awesomeness.

anushri said...

For quite a long time i did think kissin was the way u got pregnant:)

Then came the great Sydney Sheldon through his Sands of time book educated me:)

Ghost Rider said...

Aah! That title I guess attracted a lot of audience. Google did its trick I guess ;-)

I usually pretended not to see things I should not be seeing as a growing up child :D

Divya said...

@Anushri- Ah yes.. rite of passage :P

@Ghost rider- Er.. maybe.. but in my defense, most of the commenters here are ones who usually comment anyway :P

the mad momma said...

my most vivid memory? coming home at about 6 and telling my family that i heard someone on the road call another one a bloody banjo. what was wrong with a banjo I wanted to know. wasnt it a musical instrument?

oh - and picking up bitch and thinking it cant be very different to witch and freely interchanging!

loved your blog !


Divya said...

@Mad Momma- Thank you :D

celestialrays said...

hey first time here, nice post!
i too have written something similar here

when i was very small i thought i had cracked the mystery after watching 'Krishna' serial - where a ray touches Devaki's tummy and a child is born :P