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Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Pharmacy. Open 24 x 7.

Sleep is the best medicine. Especially if you are experiencing a deficiency of laughter in the first place. You escape the world, with all its unpleasant realities and all your demons wandering about joblessly taking pleasure in treating you as their dartboard till you feel deflated. So you sleep. Tell the demons to take a hike for a few hours. That’s what I do. Am depressed, will sleep. Excessively. Dangerously in some cases. Dangerous in the sense that I really should not be sleeping so much as say, studying for the next days exam.

I used to be one hell of an insomniac. I would toss and turn till dawn without a wink of sleep, for nights on end. And that would not exactly help situations. So, one irritable night, I took to codeine. Worked like a charm. Black magic actually. Slept like a baby, whenever I wanted to. Whenever I needed to. The magic continued for a few months. Then I got a little apprehensive and tried sleeping without it. Impossible. Take the tossing and turning, add a pinch of desperate restlessness to it and two cups of burning anxiety, and that’s what I ended up with. Not pleasant to say the least. Tossing and turning feverishly, hearing a rooster across the street start crowing from 2 am onwards and thinking “They need to get that bird fixed… the sun is nowhere close to up…” That scared me. Took me a while to discard all those extra condiments. I was then left with plain old same-as-ever insomnia. But I needn’t have worried. Very soon after that I was packed off to college where I had to work so hard that I was out like a light while my head was still en route to the pillow. And the present status is: Sleep your worries away. It will save you your sanity, at least for those blissful few (?) hours.

A better medicine which I discovered but can't use all the time... Writing. I am not verbally brilliant. I can perform decently in debates, but when it comes to discussing my feelings and emotions, I’m reduced (enhanced?) to a stammering nervous totem pole. I’d much rather discuss serious issues with people through email, sms or IM. Then I become so much more eloquent, more composed, more rational. In person, I stammer, I forget, I say the opposite of what I mean. So I usually don’t say at all. And then I get more jittery by the minute. I snap. I shout. Then I apologise. And then I sleep. And the cycle goes on. So I write. For people, for myself, or for everyone who cares to read, on the blog. And then I can dance a little jig and mean it too.

2 a.m. and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to.

-- Breathe, Ana Nalick

So many medicines… literal and figurative…

50 comments:

SannoySpeaks said...

That of course was a very nice post.
Its great to see you write such an ode to sleep. Its the one aspect of life i could never write about.

I sleep like a log and can sleep anytime anywhere for any duration :P

Wish you were me?

the hoverer said...

Good night
sleep tight
dont let the bugs bite

Divya said...

@Sannoy- Not a chance... Ive morphed into that after joining our esteemed academic institution...

@Hoverer- Thanks. You should write an ode to sleep na.. Ur the pro...

the hoverer said...

u have me inspired now i will write something

Good night
sleep tight
switch of the light
end all (pillow) fights
all hu sleep are always right
in my dreams i have might
i also have perfect sight
dont let the bugs bite
good night

Adhirath said...

hmm..i have to say, i dont know why, but this one has been one of your most impressive posts me. and it bothers me cos i dont know whts so special about this one! hmm, i guess you've written very informally..very professionally (if I may say so!)..

as for the sleep..ha ha..a little secret, I was (and still am to some extent) a partial insomniac..but i just got used to it, fought it and got over it. now i sleep..a lot actually..but less than most others..if you'd ask the guys in the hostel, theyd tell you how im famous for being the early retiree of the lot and early to rise! and somehow i could NEVER enjoy sleeping in the day untill i stepped foot into NLU..and now:" its 12.30 PM already..bring on the pillows!"

@ Kacky: I agree with Divi, sleep deserves to have an ode written by you, you being its biggest admirer!

Divya said...

@Hoverer- :S. Nothing else to say :S

@Adhi- Yeah? Wow thanks.. i think... :)

Hakuna Matata said...

U sleeping nowadays? I dont think so! Something fishy...sheep-y...eh! Ur on gtalk 24x7 and available. Unless u chat in ur sleep.....:P

another brick in the wall said...

sleep is good.. but i hate it.. it's waste of life.. but i guess it sometimes is essential when you feel like getting away from life for a while.. better than suicide at least.. i mean suicide is plain brave.. fuck the ppl who say suicide is cowardice.. i think ppl committing suicide are as brave or as stupid as ppl who choose life.. i mean cmon.. no one knows death.. it might just be beautiful.. a bliss sorda.. sleep, sometimes i feel, is pretty much close to death.. there we live in our dreams.. it's a different and weird story altogether happening there.. so many times we wake up to escape a so-called nightmare.. then we are escaping sleep.. if we keep experiencing the same nightmare then we try to stay awake and then we are running away from sleep.. so the fact is we are afraid.. we are always afraid.. and we all are escapists.. born escapists
point of writing all this here? well... do i even have a point.. hehe.. we all are trying to live in a way we feel is the best suited for us.. we feel will keep us away from hurt, pain and all that shit... all our actions are finally to keep ourselves from these things.. we talk to entertain or we talk to complain.. we never talk to find silence.. quite sad.. i think all that we do is wrong as we have never learnt the right things to do

Divita said...

1. i for one find sleep as a sheer waste of time, i'd rather go for a stroll than sleep, or sit beside my window, squat in the balcony and ponder over things, look at the moon, etc.
2. i am not an insomniac but
3. adhirath paradox - professional and informal?!? whats got into u??
4. writing is a bliss.
5. good one, not that i can compare it with ur past posts, havent read them.

raghu said...

ya sleeps good, did you know the most important thing about our sleep is the dreaming part.. its mmore important than resting the organs n all.. i saw some episodes on discovery about it.. quiet interesting twas.

and it works for me too.. sleep well before xams and i remember everything.. rather study less and remember it all than study all and remember nothing.

i dont sleep well when im thinkin about something.. so i stop breathing and try concentrating on some real real weird things like a shark eating me and croc comin to save me.. thats when my body takes over sub consciously and i start breathing.. n then i loose my train of thoughts and go to sleep

works wonderfully well :D

Divita said...

oh i forgot to add, but i like dreaming :D i know a paradox.

Divya said...

@Hakuna- I;ve been known to do wierder things... :P

@Brick- suicide can be seen as cowardly. it can be seen as brave. its like the optimist versus pessimist thing i think.

@Divita- right now nothing can beat adhiraths paradox by the way.. seriously!
"They say Im a dreamer.. But im not the only one..."
ok bad joke. no re what u said is not a paradox. I dream when i sleep and i dream even more when im awake... :)

@Raghu- Trust me. For you this was a much more normal comment than usual so no worries :D
My dreams are way too amusing.. so yeah i guess its therepeutic.. :)
Ok thats one wierd cure for insomnia u have there.. once in a while when i get a bout of it ill try it and tell u how it goes :P

raghu said...

u noe the bestest way to die is getting bitten by black mamba.. oh its one wonderful creature if ur ready to die.. its venom has these nuerotoxins which paralyze you and give u a high.. so when you are dying you actually hardly feel it but you are also high:D

you till the time anti venom was developed in 1960s the death rate from a black mamba bite was 100%.. thats more than cobra, anaconda or any other creature really.. its just awzzzomely aggressive.. not like other snakes which attack only when they are really reaaly scared or threatened :D

oh i read bricks comment.. when he said death may be bliss.. so i was just remembered how id want to die :D

Adhirath said...

ha ha...well girls..caught me on the wrong note..you see, i genuinely believe so..the post is indeed very special..reason being it mixes two worlds..by professional i did not mean that the post is in a professional language..not at all..what i meant was you've written beautifully with a very informal tone but you've written like a professional..who says professional writers do not write informally, in fact, if you ask me, some of the most brilliant works (by professionals) are the ones in which their choice of words depicts informality..he he..divita di is new to my commenting language so she stands excused..but you divi! tich tich tich..im dissapointed..i expected you to know me better!

i hope ive brought you out of the paradox now! ;)

Scribblers Inc said...

sleeping late is more of a religion than anything else for most...though its mostly bad...wonder how owls live through it...

Scribblers Inc.

Divita said...

@adhirath
thanks for sparing me! vindicated! ha ha! n i guess i get your point too. tich tich tich divya!! :P

Divya said...

@Raghu- Coooool! Bring on that mamba! :D

@Adhirath- Aare thanks ya :D flattered!! and ahem.. chorry :S :P

@Scribblers Inc- Thats true ya.. its a religion for me too actually very often...

@Divita- Haww... You'll get me into more trouble girl :P i'll have to meet him soon and will he pout or what! Hehehe...

Paritosh Rai said...

writing tucks you to sleep because you belong to a species called homo sapiens. they have this urge of speaking, writing, shouting,snoring, pole dancing(?), bungee jumping whatever that is there in their minds, failing to do any of this invites the wrath of INCUBUS and deprives them of sleep...

raghu said...

one mamba strike releases enough venom to kill 40 grown up adult men.. i guess when they say that they mean it can kill some 40 yokozunaz or something :S

and when its all scared n all it attacks more than once.. like some 100 undertakers are trying to kill it :S, multiple attacks.. gaawd, and that too near the head n all.. normal venomous snakes attack on the legs, but this one can literally stand up.. like upto some 1/3rd of its own height.. so it can reach up to ur head if u bend down thoda sa.. and bang, before u realize your lungs forget to breathe :P

i like the cobra also.. its also a very interesting animal.

Divita said...

@divya
oh dare adhirath do that! what say adhirath?

Divita said...

@divya
btw u're in! the blogroll i mean.

Divya said...

@Paritosh- Hehehe ok pole dancing and bunjee jumping? Interesting life ya :D

@Raghu- Good lord what a creature.. How have I never heard of it before i wonder...I had first though I would stick to death by chocolate... but this sounds way more interesting :P

Divya said...

@Divita- Oh he will do that even if we beg him not.. especially if we beg him not to :S God help us all :D

I'm honoured :D

Tairebabs said...

"Sleep is the best medicine. Especially if you are experiencing a deficiency of laughter in the first place"...well said. I think this would make a very good quote.

About codeine! I have my story. I had a bit of a cough a few months back and the dr. gave me syrup with codeine. That was when "our" love first started. Me and codeine where unbreakable. lol. I just loved the way it made me sleep. After my cough had stopped I still kept drinking it. I didn't get addicted (not really lol) but I knew when I needed to end our relationship. Sleep was never the same.

Divya said...

@Tairebabs- Ah one can never fully get over it... that void will always be there ;)

Adhirath said...

ahem ahem..im not quite sure i like the direction in which the comments here are going..anyway, divya, umm, its really pointless gathering divita di's sympathy over my "pout" (as you call it), he he, cos she has never really seen me get mad at ne1 (have you divita? except maybe jadav! he he, remember?)..in fact, in my school days i did not really sulk this much..and moreover, she was my senior, so all the more reason for me to have never exercised my "wrath" in front of her!! ha ha..neway..its ok..ur safe as well..the comment was meant to be a compliment on your writing style, glad you finally got the meaning of it! :D

Subbie said...

I read someone say Ode to sleep...succinctly put!

markalive said...

id say try reading... since ur into law and all that u shldnt fall into a dearth of materials... or try watching a nice simbu movie- ull probably be off to sleep in the first few minutes if ur not dead already...
but wait a minute- CODEINE? when i was in school i was banned from using even vicks vaporrub!!!!!

Divya said...

@Adhirath- Ahem yes. Adhirath sans pout is incomplete though. You really should show her a sample :P

@Subbie- :)

@Mark- I never said I did it with permission, did I?

Suketu said...

u tried codeine?? :O

sleep is heaven :)

Divya said...

@Suketu- Yup. Tried it, got hooked to it, went through cold turkey.. the works... and saying I've tried codeine sounds impressive doesn't it... it's sound less ":O" if I say it as I had got hooked to.. cough... err... cough syrup hehe :P

C R D said...

hey. u shud be careful wid things u do to induce sleep.
thr are better ways gal :P

1. watch god tv or sanskar tv
2. listen to mukesh's songs
3. try reading books by economists :P

i can give u a 100 more ways:P but for space constraints and aching index fingers :P (yeah i type only with 2 fingers:P)

and hey i too can give huge debates only while typing.when someones in front of me i think a 100 times though>:P

cheers
ChRiS

do visit my blog

**swordfishh** said...

Good one... Well put.. Sleep is a good solution to depression :P
Btw...What made u get over ur insomnia??
Was Kacky ur inspiration by any chance?

Divya said...

@CRD- God TV?? Id rather toss and turn :S Books by economists? Id rather reas a murder mystery and stay up :P hehehe

@Swordfishh- Thankoo :) Oh when i came to coll first all the horrifying work and hectic schedule combined with the fun outside acad block tired me out and i was out like a light soon! No not kacky though he would be a brilliant mentor to anyone :P

Adhirath said...

waaah! "sans"? i though the word had like expired! its been after ages that ive seen some1 use it..he he..and no, i am a lot even without the pout. ;) ..like i said, things were different.he he

AB said...

Talk about sleep being my med for depression. I have been depressed a lot lately and I have consequently been sleeping more than 12 hours at a stretch. What's your reason girl?

AB said...

"So I write. For people, for myself, or for everyone who cares to read, on the blog. And then I can dance a little jig and mean it too."

Btw identify with that.

Divya said...

Ah usually the why-is-life-picking-on-me-when-it-has-so-many-more -worthy-targets syndrome :P You sleeping so much cos of the tooth?? :O

AB said...

No much more than that...job...lack of a life...everything and so much more:( you didn't tell me about yours???

Yaz said...

Very impressive! Do checkout my blog too http://rdgunsyaz.blogspot.com

raghu said...

i think we are underestimating depression here.
really, sleep will not sure it :P

Divya said...

@AB- At the time, confusion about career, social life, music (?), family, imminent change in life, ending of holidays, writers block, and oh so much more :P

How you holding up?

@Yaz- Thanks :) Will do.

@Raghu- Yeah but it can put it on hold, yes? Escapists we all are.. what to do...

the hoverer said...

well the ode to sleep and all is fine but i could not expresses it in words than brick did. Sleep is a waste of life. Now the first thing ppl will tell me when u see is that hey how can u say that u sleep all the time in class. well that is the point. I have slept in a large number of classes, but people like Adhi will be in a position to vouch for the low number of hours i sleep at night, the reason i sleep in class is bcoz un fortunately god made man this creature that needs to sleep, and since it is a waste of life just like a large number of classes putting two and two together i sleep in class to not waste life

Abhu said...

@ divya-i dont think iam an insomniac. but i do tend to treat sleeping as a cure to my depression. i.e whenever iam upset or smthn, i just go off to sleep :P

@suk- i completely disagree dat people who commit suicide are "brave" coz when a person decides to die, he/she is not in their senses to think of "death" as a good, brave step. they do it, becoz they r afraid to face what is there in front of them and hence see "death" as the easier way out. i dont think dat a very "brave" thing to do.

raghu said...

@ abhu on suicides
dont generalize, everyone doesn't think alike and sure as hell everyone doesn't suicide for the same reason(other than to die :P)

Comfortably Numb said...

Sleep...Im allergic to it. Not that I am an insomniac but then I prefer to sleep less :P

I just wrote a poem on insomnia a few days back. Check it out incase you have time :)

Cheers!

raj said...

Sleep when we travel to another universe to meet our beloved.
http://www.decisioncare.org

Swayam said...

ahem ahem i've finally found somebody like me... I suffer from speech retardation too... specially the kind you are talking about or rather you are witing about.. blogrolling you...

Anonymous said...

sleep is but a suspension of reality....and thats why its so sweet....

Divya said...

@Hoverer- I now agree. Helpful as it may be and as sorely needed.. yeah.. waste of life... and yes ive started sleepin in class as you have seen :P

@Abhu- Oh yeah.. seriously.. Best medicine i tell u :D and abt suicide, it really can be looked at from both perspectives actually...

@Raghu- :P

@C. Numb- Will do :)

@Raj- Beloved? Maybe... just to get away from reality is more like it... U make it sound more like death...

@Swayam- :D Honoured :)

@Anon- Why are you anon?? And you hit the nail on the head... bingo...