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Wednesday, June 25, 2008

You don’t understand.

Really. You don’t.

Most people will listen to you. They will nod sympathetically. And then they will say those two comforting heartfelt words: “I understand”. Bullshit.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m actually very grateful that you listened patiently, grateful for your sympathy, grateful that you simply didn't run away while pulling your hair out after I narrated my dukh bhari daastan… But you don’t understand. Everyone says it of course, including me, and I’m sure I’ll continue to do so. But you simply do NOT understand.

It may be your best friend; it may be your sibling; it may be your mom. But they will not understand unless they are in exactly the same situation you are in. Placing yourself in someone else’s shoes does not work. You have to have a pair of that exact same broken in and worn out shoes of your very own. Sometimes even an absolute stranger or an enemy may understand better than your loved ones.

It’s simple. Suppose I have a problem. Let’s hypothetically say that my problem is that of a horrifying landlady who is making my life hell and not giving me any peace of mind, so much so that I have to resort to blah-ing to my friends about her and ranting about her on my blog. Now you can’t always seethe about her to someone who has an amazing motherly landlady who knits them sweaters and bakes cakes for them just because she felt like. Because that person will not really understand. They might sympathise, sure. But they will be thinking “My situation is so different. Man I’m lucky to have such a sweet landlady.” (Sympathetic nod and pat on shoulder) “How can she be feeling this way? Maybe she just doesn’t appreciate her landlady’s feelings” (Aww you poor thing... She did that??? Tsk tsk…) “Hmmm…I wonder what landlady darling has cooked for me today…..”

Lame example but you get the picture. And there’s nothing wrong with it as such. It’s human nature. But find another with the same problem as you have and there you have a kindred spirit and there you have a person you can REALLY talk to. You can narrate and discuss and bitch freely without bothering that the other person will be horrified at what you say. Without wondering if you are the one in the wrong. Only here can you truly let your feelings out. Even if it’s an absolute stranger you’re talking to. And if this person happens to be your best friend/close confidante, so much the better for you. Not that I would wish all my problems on my best friend of course…

It’s happened to me. Having a friend you can talk to about anything and everything in the world except for a couple of topics which I could produce a tirade on for hours. And it was infuriating, having to hold that stuff in. I’ve found an outlet. Phew.

8 comments:

another brick in the wall said...

this actually reminds me of the time when thakur says to gabbar "tere liye mere pair hi kaafi hai" and then gabbar is right beneath his feet and thakur is all over him.. that's when gabbar has that "i understand u thakur" kinda look in his eyes.. very similar, no? :P

raghu said...

ya good :)
this time ill tell you something expected.. dont expect to be understood.. have friends as an outlet, if you really need them.
each person has his own perspective.
its just a waste to expect from humans.. rotten we are.

Hakuna Matata said...

"But, You Don't Understand, My Case Is Different!" true enough...

Adhirath said...

aww..you poor thing..yes yes..take it all out..i totally understand! ;)

he he..but seriously divi..nice one..amusing actually..and it does to get very frustrating when they DONT understand..but very true, as you said, that their very thought matters a lot!

ha ha..gud one!

SannoySpeaks said...

So most of us understand one thing anyway - we're just a bunch of misunderstood/dis-understood/un-understood loners.

Or are we?

the hoverer said...

hmmm interesting concept, its my favorite kind, the concepts that make so much sense while challenging common belief that we just can't stick to common belief anymore, like a pan galactic gargle blaster, it shakes u.

true people often dont actually understand simply because they are not in your shoes, they are only in a new pair of reboks that are the now equivalent model that you have been wearing for the last 4 years, agreed totally, in case one discusses something negative agree totally but is the same true even with positive aspects ? some views pls, i mean, the guy wearing the new shoes will also be able to appreciate the pump ?

Divya said...

@Brick- yes yes... ok... enough vodka for u kid... :P

@Raghu- True. But then again, expectations are our true downfall na..

@Hakuna- :)

@Adhirath- Grrr!

@Sannoy- Or so we like to believe. The sympathy vote always counts doesnt it...

@Hoverer- Ur making me sniff... my keds disintegrated while still on my feet a week ago :(
With positive too.. the other person may feel happy for you that you are happy and thats very nice.. but unless that or something similar has happened to them , they wont exactly understand na...

**swordfishh** said...

Apologies--- This blog entry makes a lot of sense.. Didnt read it well enough last time...

And yea... "I understand" the feeling ur describing... :P :P