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Sunday, June 08, 2008

Silly Spice- The newest member.

I had heard a lot about the movie "Mistress of Spices". I had heard it was highly acclaimed. Hence I planned to catch it on TV today. I ended up seeing only the last ten minutes of the movie and though it may actually be very good, creative, moving, etc etc, this is what I inferred from it, from only the last ten minutes I might add. So if you loved the movie and cannot bear to see its reputation be blanded down, hold your spicy tongues till the end of the post.

Aishwaria Rai who is the female lead is called Tilo. She is the "Mistress of Spices”, which is a fancy name for a spice seller abroad some place. She keeps talking to her spices as though they are her "Dear Diary" cum shooting-star cum puppy-who-fawns-over-you cum passionate-lover. Dialogues are thrown in like “I know love is right but I shall live only for you, my dear spices.” “Cinnamon, you have helped me through this rough patch in my life.” Ok that is weird and I’m pretty sure that’s not just me. Spice Girl is confused about love life with Mr. Cute Firang, helps everyone else by being superwoman, but has no time to fulfill her desires, as she bemoans to her beloved elaichi. So one day, she dolls up with home remedies made from her spices, wears a sexy red sari, spends a passionate night with Cute Firang and then (I think) attempts to commit suicide by fire, surrounded by red chillies, in her shop, after burying herself in them. She fails at this and Cute Firang finds her amidst loads of rubble with not a scratch, burn or tear on her or any of her clothes, with hair and makeup perfectly intact and with strange accent firmly in place. She then realizes her mistake and emotionally blackmails Cute Firang into rebuilding her shop.

I won’t comment on the story, really. I don’t even know it. But I will say this… Her name is Tilo. This might have specifically been chosen because throughout at least the last ten minutes, she kept gathering til in her hands and letting it flow down like it was water. You see the connection? Even her parents while naming her had a foresight that she would be a Spice Girl.

Another coincidence... Why was Ash picked to star in this movie? Because of her I’m-an Indian-but-I’m-not-accent? Because she’s pretty? Because she acts well? (That last one is definitely not it.) Give up? It’s because of the spice connection. Aishwaria RAI… could it get any more obvious? It was fate. It was a recipe gone terribly wrong...

Now that I’ve nicely butchered this movie for those who loved it, I now (Spice) jet off before I’m slaughtered. Bring on the skewers.

19 comments:

the hoverer said...

considering that this is not a movie review and i havent seen the movie it 's a nice and funny post, brings the critique to life, its humor that makes this really nice kudos

ROHIT DUBEY said...

haha! a great job indeed, thought the same about this piece of directorial indulgence gone wrong...just couldnt find the right words. :D

another brick in the wall said...

hehe.. tilo is as funny a name as tintu.. no?? :P
the sasta queen indeed! :P

Divya said...

@Hoverer and Rohit- thanks :)
@brick-My tintuition tells me the latter is funnier :D

another brick in the wall said...

hehe.. of cors of cors :P

Naaz said...

Good great!! you are not the victim of "mistress of spice":P. Ask me how I bared those 2 hours or whatsoever watching that crap!!

At the end of the movie, I couldnt made out Tilo's relationship with that firangi and the 'anger' of spices at the growing friendship. I mean, c'mon, anger of spices?? could've been depicted far more interestingly with some sorta cartoon animated flick! but the impression you get after having watched the film is that the director was more keen to tell the 'qualities' of the spices. He must have had asked Ashwarya 'rai' for that matter of knowing more about spices :P LOL and thats precisely which it made such a zilch impact!!

Divya said...

Anger of the spices??? Oh god was THAT what the film was about? Thank goodness I missed it... Its like a term I find very amusing in chemistry.. "Attack of the Nucleophiles". Always makes me picture alien chemicals attacking the earth, Isaac Asimov ishtyle...
:D

Adhirath said...

ha ha...great job as always my dear!..I seem to be one of the few who have actually seen the movie here (except for the last 10 min..sigh..ironical)..so i can clarify some stuff....
funny?..yes definitely..
stupid?..umm..it could have been worse..(actually i was expecting it to be much worse)..
vivid?!..hell ya..i mean whatever u say, the movie was definitely a result of a rather SPICY imagination....
ooh..btw..as for the name "mistress of spices"..she dint really choose it...if u see the movie full way through ull realize tht this was apparently a CLAN of women on some remote island where little tilo was swept by the sea after having made an adventurous escape from bandits who had tried to kidnap her....
and as for the talking of spices!!..im not so sure of the concept, but i think its got something to do with the fact that TILO (gosh!..uve so toally ruined it fr me..ha ha ha ha) had a divine sight (he he..u know premonition n stuff)....
but in all..if u ask me..i think i cud stand going thru the movie (if not for nething else, at least for the bizarre concept)..

P.S: divi....the RAI thing was hilarious.. ;) ..thts where uve added the spice!

Divya said...

@Adhi- thank you thank you :)
This was sillier then Woman on top.. And I REALLY thought that took the cake... Yeesh!

AB said...

That was funny:D I watched it too and found her talking to the spices really quite nutty. For god's sake whoever thinks of leaving such a hottie for spices!

Divya said...

I swear... Red mirchi over Dylan McDermott.. She was insane...
And it seems the last 2 lines of my post were totally not needed for anyone...

arunabh said...

Rai and the analogy. Tilo and the analogy. Oh so corny! And yet so enjoyable :)
I won't thank you for helping me decide whether to watch the movie or not. I would have never watched it regardless :) But yes, thanks a lot for putting up with the new Lady Bacchan. I know it wouldn't have been easy sparing ten minutes to watch her 'delicacies'.
Okay, to put aside all pretence, i am commenting because i like Aishwarya bashing posts ;)

Divya said...

@Arunabh- thank u! Very bad jokes are wat I specialise in :D
a kindred aishwaria detesting soul... Marvelous to make ur acquaintance :P

Canary said...

I love your blog! and ur spirit! Cheers to you and thanks for dropping by :)

Divya said...

@Canary- Thanks :D cheers right back :)

AB said...

The last two lines. Hmmm...:D

SannoySpeaks said...

The Book sucks... the movie could not suck more i'm sure.
That was a nice post... it got the smirk it asked for!

Sneha said...

lol! i agree. ash always stars in movies that are only meant for visual pleasure. but i kept wondering through out the movie whether those spices actually worked. would try some of them, them ;)

Archana said...

LOL :-D! Ash can ruin a perfectly sane story. Making her act in a surreal story is asking for disaster. Loved your analysis of why she was cast - heheheh!