Sunday, June 15, 2008

Here today, gone tomorrow.

So often it happens we take solace in something temporary rather than something permanent.

Some people are closer to their friends than to their family. Friends are, strictly speaking, temporary. You never know when you will lose them. They might get married and go away; they might shift residence and move away; they might just lose touch over the years, finding no time for you… Yet these relationships are at times more relied upon, from the mental point of view. That momentary wisp of friendship, that sudden moment of understanding, that spark of connection or that steady trust that that develops with those people you call your friends, that can make you open up eons more than the steadfastness, the sturdiness, the permanence of family. You can discuss freely, without any inhibition, without fearing disapproval, rejection or repulsion. Discover yourself without worrying if what you discern might be wrong in their eyes, without fearing that you might be thinking, speaking or doing something which would bring forth disapproval. Without the fear that you might have to repent severely what you did and make amends. Because if these happen, damage control is easier. If not possible, you can always find more friends, if it comes to that. You cannot find another family.

Consider it in another sense of the word. This is purely from a personal point of view. If I have a secret or problem I cannot divulge freely, but need to talk about, what do I do? I talk about it freely, openly. But to someone who has no clue about the repercussions it would cause if spoken to people closer to home. People who are permanently there, for the present at least; those are whom I can’t talk to. There the fear of people’s judgment and trustworthiness comes in. Problem college, discuss thoroughly with friends back home. And the other way round. No danger of leaks, no consequences you might regret, no mental trauma.

Psychologically, I depend on impermanence more. What about you? And what would you rather be?


another brick in the wall said...

wow! quite profound and deep yaa... never thought of it this way.. it makes absolute sense though.. in someway we are secured about our family and know that we're together for life.. so their judgements count mroe than anyone else's and so we fear to share everything with them.. that's when we need friends.. we need outsiders.. but then there's this mistake we commit too.. not always.. but sometimes.. when we take our family for granted and start depending upon these outsiders.. it's only when we lose them that we realise our stupidity.. hopefully we wake up in time and we aren't too late to have lost our family by then

but sincerely.. nothing is permanent and we all know it.. we just wrap ourselves in this fake blanket of security.. we all blind oursleves intentionally cz we are always too afraid to face the facts.. somehow we let ourselves stay afraid

btw.. is this the "manson effect"? :P

Divya said...

Yeah.. Like don't show them ur true self so u don't scare them away types... or so that they don't force to u to go away...

Oh no... dunno how this one struck me... The Manson effect would have me saying things like the following:
"Without the fear that you might have to repent severely what you did and make amends. Because if these happen, damage control is easier. If not possible, you can always find more friends, if it comes to that. You cannot find another family. And thus, the only solution would be to kill oneself in a horrible gruesome manner. And if not, hey go kill them."


another brick in the wall said...

hahaha... he won't say things so nicely yaa.. it sounds all too "clean" for his liking.. i think it would go something like "if they don't like your god, then you hate their god. the world you are dying in so pathetic and full of shit, the world which is making you bleed and scream, the world that is making you tear away your flesh just so that you breathe, the world that makes you worse than a lame, broken toy, is not worth living for; it is a wrong world you are in. you'd rather be maimed than walk in this shit, you'd rather have your eyes torn/ripped apart than watch this shit of a drama.. oh you should end this shit.. escape this shit.. take that needle and pierce this fake tourniquet and rip apart those lies.. death is what they deserve.. if they won't let you die in peace, then don't let them either.. they scratched your bruises.. you scratch theirs till they bleed away this life"... hahaha.. how was that!! :P

raghu said...

i dont see why family or friends are important.. i guess since no-one is really indispensable or anything no-one is really important.... ofcourse i like my family for food and money but i can make do without both of them... ofcourse i like to spend time with certain people more than what i like to do with most people.. but still both are just luxuries i can afford.. both very much dispensable.

anyway about secrets and having to pretend at times.. its necessary .. but ya one this about having friends who dont really care about you is that they wont judge you too much.. you can afford a great lot more deal of freedom and obviously i dont need people to care for me cos i can fend for myself and if i really fall into big shit friends can lend a hand.. id be willing to do so too.

im just indifferent towards people and family and friends n all.. well watever makes you happy, na? :D

Divya said...

@Brick- Jesus Christ! :S There goes my sleep tonight.....

@Raghu- Well.. that's indifference for you... Oh well to each his own :) Good morning by the way... :P

JD said...

"Discover yourself without worrying if what you discern might be wrong in their eyes, without fearing that you might be thinking, speaking or doing something which would bring forth disapproval."

perfectly put.
of course, all this would depend on how secure you are - some things / secrets you'll be brave and discuss with your family, maybe even to astonishingly positive results; others you'll talk about with friends. still others, you'll either take to your grave / pyre / electric chair (?) or you'll use the anonmity that a medium like the internet affords; and if you are real lucky you'll find a 'shopgirl' or 'NY152' to share it with...

again, what things u'll share with the more permanent ppl in ur life will differ from person to person...

also, that manson banter in the comments section was hilarious

arunabh said...

To the question that you posed at the end of the post, i would also say that i rely on 'impermanence'. Although, i don't quite agree with the word as such. Friends can be temporary. Friends can be permanent. Agreed, we don't have a guarantee about their permanence as we have with our family members. But, put in another way, I would love to have friends who can be permanent. And if there are people who are willing to reciprocate, then i don't see a reason why we can't have friends who are 'permanent'.
On similar lines, there might be a family member with whom you have to sustain a 'permanent' relation because that is what society dictates. You cannot walk out or move away because you are not supposed to.
Very nicely put in words though. Now i am suffering from the early morning blues :(

AB said...

I don't know what to say because you have hit it right on the head. Shucks, come to think of it, I don't know why but I still count friends as the be-all and end-all of my existence. And I have lost so many of them and rued and rued...You know the Sunscreen Song where there are these lines:

'Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.'

And I am not able to do just that! :(

raghu said...

hmn.. i think friends are grossly overestimated though.. lol

raghu said...

"On similar lines, there might be a family member with whom you have to sustain a 'permanent' relation because that is what society dictates. You cannot walk out or move away because you are not supposed to."

say no to divorce andolan?

arunabh said...

No, that was not necessarily what i meant. It could be just one possible interpretation. A "permanent" relationship need not be with one's spouse only. Living in a society, you might also have family members with tags like cousins, uncles, aunts, nieces and so on. And being a part of this society, you are supposed to maintain such relations or atleast acknowledge them. The concept of a divorce doesn't exist here :)
Got the fuck?

revelsign said...

true, divvy...

especially the first part; though it takes a while for us to grow up and realize it.

Divya said...

Me. Very amused.

@JD- Thanks man...well said yourself... Electric chair? :D Ah we should all be so lucky to find our very own NY152s.. sigh...

@Arunabh- Well that would be perfect obviously.. friends forever.. it's Utopian... Let's hope we all get that lucky..

@AB- Yeah I think that's something we all do at some point or the other... Oh that song holds the answers to life, the universe, and everything :)

@Raghu- Lil exaggeration huh :P And divorce andolan? Hahahaha!

@Arunabh- Whoa, take it easy... Im away for a few hours and people are getting agressive and all.. waah!

@Revelsign- Only when we grow up does the whole focus start shifting anyway na...

Anonymous said...

If family is friend, then both objectives are achieved. Hai na?

raghu said...

dint get the fuck ya.. you live for the society.. i dont.. too content with myself and i hate the world.. wat to do everything u like sucks :(
sheesh.. u might even take this as personal but wat to do :D

ya u have fun trying to make all your blood relations permanent and all.. ill have fun mockin ppl like you :D

no offense mate.. you as good a friend of mine as anyone here :)
just dat i dont care.. haaaw so sad na?
divy delete this comment if you dont want a fight.. its your blog.. your the queen :)

raghu said...

lorrrrveee your family mate.. haha i can sooo see love everywhere.. love it!

can we play the hum saath saath hai theme song?

while i listen to lonely shepherd by zamfir :D

the hoverer said...

really wondering who manson is... @raghu - people are never dispensable, you will always need someone 'a ear', family is an option friends are another, but u cant do without them.
@ voix - (i like voix, i know ur name is divya) totally agreeing with you that we dont show family our true self because of the permanence, but picking up an extreme example, if you hide so much from your parents that you can never actually be the person they think you are, then are they your family or the family of an illusion that you are trying (very) hard to create and maintain?

Divya said...

@Hoverer-ah but please stick to divya and all the warped versions of it :)
And keep up with the times :P Marilyn Manson..
And I don't think it's as conplicated as you say it is.

Adhirath said...

oh gosh!.. this is so damn true! I totally agree. and funnily enough, i never thought about it this way. quite a deep though my dear and very beautifully articulated. hmm..as for my views:
well..like i said, i agree to your point of view. but you see the thing is i cant agree with the notion of impermanence. i mean friends CAN be permanent at times. but the point is, this explains why all of us tend to take our folks for granted thinking that we'll always have them (and vice versa, that we are all they've got) but probably thats the biggest mistake we make. like hoverer said, you do not want to end up being an illusion in front of those people who matter the most to you now do you?
but the best part was that one about venting out your frustration about something with someone who's absolutely clueless about the context. perfect! i do it all the time. it does feel safer. and of course, being the social idiots we are, we all need to talk. so conveniently, we pick someone who cant possibly meddle around and mess things up for us and vent it all out to him as he/she listens patiently (while secretly wishing that we'd just shut up! :))
great post divi!..id definitely say its one of your best!

Divya said...

Thanks adhi :)
See of course friends CAN be permenant and who wouldn't want that? Its just utopian thts all...
And hai na? Its so much safer talkin to an unconcerned party!!

raghu said...

i said no one is indispensable.. we need people.. who'd clean my room ha?

but we dont need frnds or the same person to listen to us now.. do we?
can always get an ear hear or an ear there :D

Soumya said...
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