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Sunday, May 18, 2008

The 1 habit of highly effective vampires

Do you want to be a successful vampire? Do you want to be well-fed regularly? Do you want to get rid of the pesky hero who jumps in to save your victim from having one helluva hickey? If your answer to the above questions is yes, read on!

It's simple. Study human anatomy. Or canine if that's your preference of victim. I'll stick to humans right now.

Has it ever happened to you that you corner your prey who inevitably happens to be a gorgeous young woman, and attempt to feed off her while her screams (capable of shattering Rs. 24000 Armani sunglasses) draw the attention of an unwanted brave man intent on saving her? Usually, this does not bode well in your favour and you're forced to retreat after unsuccessful attempts at muah-hahaha-ing your way back into the girl's neck. How would anatomy help, you ask? Simple.

Corner the girl. Calculate the region where her jugular vein should be or any other major blood vessel. Swoop in. Swoop out.No messy hunting around for the blood while being distracted by the gunshots in your back. There you go.

I really should consider career counselling.

Look what a lot of boredom and a glass of tomato juice can result in... :P

And how's that for my 100th post... :D

10 comments:

another brick in the wall said...

hehe.. only u can think of such things

alrt jokes apart.. thanks you.. i intend to take up this job of "vampiring" seriously.. are u sure this will help?

another brick in the wall said...

oh! and centureeeeeeee! wohoo! :)
congrats :)

Divya said...

Sure... Cos u sure won't be able to get a girl who will offer her neck to u willingly :P
So fr u, anything will help, even this ;)

another brick in the wall said...

wat fuck.. i'll just grab any random girl yaar.. vampires do that only anyway.. and i can fly and all being a vampire na.. so i can just swoop into any chick's room while she's sleeping yaar :)

Divya said...

Haan na... Cos normal tareeke se toh u wud be too scared to approach a girl na... And if u did, u wud take her out on "picnics" :P hahahaha toh this is pretty much ur only choice :P

the hoverer said...

ok i'm really sry to sound like someone i dont want to name, and to kill the joke but i'm really confused why happens if u attack the jugular or whatever vein ? will it kill the chick ?

Divya said...

Well... yeah... but u do get fed.. hmphhh u will make a very poor vampire sir, if u bother so much about the victim. why not just switch to plain tomato juice instead. u of all ppl turning veg.. tsk tsk... im apalled...

Adhirath said...

:O .. hats off!.. i doubt any one else (and i mean ANY1) can ever cum up with this sort of crap! .. and ohh, by the way.. i dont know what this vein is, but does it hurt a lot?

Divya said...

@adhi- I was bored ya :P
Oh and as far as I remember, its THE major vein in the neck, supplyin blood to the face.

Hakuna Matata said...

Pliss pliss pliss start course for technique. We'll send blood donation camp blood sucking guy there. Pliss. Bleddy pliss.