Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Where am I?

Maybe I am like this because of recent events. I do not know. Whatever it is, it’s scary.

I'm seeing the world with new eyes, in a whole new light. It's like I'm seeing it for the first time, instead of for 19 whole years. Everything around me seems new like I'm not used to anything here. Like it has cropped up suddenly and I get surprised by it but I'm supposed to know what it is so I make an attempt to remember. Like I've been abducted by aliens who ran tests on me and plopped me back here to observe me and the tests have made me woozy. Like a lizard that strays into a rave party and gets shocked as to why humans are suddenly floating. Like an iguana to whom just inquired to about the wine as Douglas Adams might say. And it's worrying… it is… Me and a couple of people around me seem to have noticed something is not fully right with me and again, I know not whether these are because of recent events, but it seems highly unlikely, but would be a perfect answer to everthing aforementioned. And though it may sound like I’m reborn again and have a chance of redemption blah blah... It's not all pleasant... I think about things I never thought of before, analyse things I did and people did in a different way than before, care about things I didn't care about before and not care about things I cared humongously about before! I'm constantly surprising and at times, scaring myself.

Help :S

Tuesday, March 04, 2008


Imagine a situation in which you are left helpless. Feeling depressed, not knowing what to do, not knowing whether what you had done was right or wrong, just wanting to cry your eyes out and wanting a person whom you can cry with who will comfort you and tell you everything is ok but drawing a blank when you think of people possible to do just that. Wishing you could just run away from this place you are in and go some place different, nice, fun. With one or two people from here maybe or with just all new people. Get away from any baggage, old or new. Feel like you want to live again. Feel like you are going to be left alone with no one to tell you you’re the best or to pull you up when you are down or just listen when you whine incessantly about something inconsequential. Wanting to just want to sleep all the time for the simple reason that you don’t want to be awake and face the world and think about anything. Being sure that what you did was the worst possible thing you could have done. Wanting to change because you think you think you can do nothing right and wanting to be a different person altogether. Just wanting to cease existing.

Yeah I know… Not very pleasant… forget what I said. Don’t imagine it.