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Tuesday, December 09, 2008

So, how was your day?

I always have been known for being exceptionally clumsy. For instance, while climbing up the stairs, I have a propensity for placing only one-third of my actual foot on the stair, so that more likely than not, I tip backwards with my arms flailing in the air, while the person behind me steadies me with great amusement. (Luckily, there's always been someone behind me for me to amuse). Also, I am the only one I know of who is capable of falling up the stairs on a regular basis. Yes, I said up the stairs. Every time this happens, I'm left incredulous as to how exactly I managed this feat yet again...

But this is too much.

I've not done anything funny for quite a while now, so fate decides to go ahead and help things along. So here I am, busily sitting at work with my ass firmly planted in a chair (you know, the rotating swiveling kinds) and I lean back to relax, when my chair decides to have a nervous breakdown. Seriously... it had a breakdown and I sure was nervous when it happened... With a series of groaning noises, it disintegrated in a matter of 4 seconds, broke into 3 pieces, all the while swiveling and rotating, and the next thing I know I find myself in a heap on the floor, to the delight of the whole office and the concern of my fellow intern. As I'm helped up, the office assistant wanders by and comments that we interns always read together, work together, so might we by any chance be sitting on the same chair at the same time? And the guy obviously thinks he's a hoot, since he runs all around the office and repeats the wondrous comment to one and all. Rubbing it in, I must say...

Monday, December 08, 2008

Taggit

For once I do a tag without actually being tagged... Here ya go :D

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.


1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?
Eat a lot of chocolate. Burst out crying occasionally. Give him quite an earful. Sleep an awful lot. Worry the people who care about me to death and in time, tell him to go stick his head in a pizza oven.

2. Whose butt would you like to kick?
Crazy-ass terrorists, religious fanatics and people who call me by sappy nicknames when they hardly know me.

3. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Hide it away so noone knows about it. Then find a nice guy who has not a clue about it and marry him. Then of course, nice house, big pool, 3 dogs, a sexy bike. Oh and before all that, invest a chunk of it, start a band, travel the world, all that jazz; stuff I’ve always wanted to do…

4. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
At the moment, my answer would be never, though the prospect sounds lovely.

5. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved. It gives you the security that you will not stumble, and if you do, someone will try to break your fall. Makes you feel that you’re not alone and you never will be. Makes you feel good about yourself in a way you never thought you would. And a lot more senti clichéd stuff… Hey loving has a helluva lot of perks too though..

6. How long would you wait for someone you love?
Not a crazily long period of time like in Veer Zaara or anything. I’m romantic and all but I'm the most impatient person I’ve ever seen… I’d whine a lot and throw tantrums but probably jump off the wagon in a few years tops, but no way more than that. I guess. How would I know?

7. If the person you like is secretly attached, what would you do?
I’d secretly get over it.

8. What takes you down the fastest?
Thinking and going over things again and again and again.. Unfortunately it’s one of the things I do best and very often...

9. Where do you see yourself in 10 years' time?
Hopefully with a big lovable Labrador of my own. Oh and I’ll be writing, still blogging, in touch with all my friends and having lost some weight… Sigh…

10. What's your fear?
Being alone. No, not literally.

11. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Married and poor. Absence of something to share everything with would make life a little hollow and boring, would be my guess.

12. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who would you pick?
Once would be a huge ordeal. A double dose would most probably kill me.

13. Would you give all in a relationship?
Not “all”. But quite a bit, depending on the kind of relationship..

14. What's eating you now?
People that are not supposed to matter but do, irritation at having to get up early, worry about grades (yeah yeah…) and the fact that I have not enough time to do all the things I want to.

15. Tag 5 people...
Another Brick in the Wall (who I don’t think has ever done a tag)

Sindhu (who usually doesn’t even need an excuse to blog :P )

Indiegurl (who is sure to do something funny even in such an unfunny tag)

Adhirath (to kick him awake)

AB (to wake her up as well)

Make me proud :P

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Ati Sundar

A new character to add to the nonsense that is my life.. Here's introducing S!

Me: Why the long hair? Don’t you think it looks very hippie-ish?

S: That’s the whole point...

Me: So u want to look like a person who drinks a lot and dances naked around fires...?

S: I want to be that person... Unfortunately can't do that .. so the least I can do is look like one.

Me: Why cant you do that? Don’t let society stop you man.. You dance as much as you want… You already drink a lot anyway…

S: When I dance naked, people throw stones…

Me: If you keep doing it, they might get used to it and throw a few coins at you instead… Alternative income even... See, shyness is never the answer.

S: I’m not shy ... Just don’t want my boys to get hurt by the stone throwing.

Me: Never heard of dodge ball? Thats training given during school days for wannabe hippies like you… Helps protect the boys as you say.

S: Didn’t play it. Was always lazy. Used to drink milkshake and sleep then. Drink beer and sleep now.

Me: Well mankind is better off without a naked you... all for the best then.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Things change

There was a point of time during which several people thought that I was the most mushy person in existence. And hey, I agreed… I would be nostalgic to the point of swooning, romantic to the point of being slapped by people, and verbose to the extent of getting a parched throat.

There was a point of time, during which K was the most wooden person in existence. He would cough at any sign of affection. He would mock any fragment of sentimentality. He would laugh at my romanticism and as for nostalgia... Well let’s say he has a memory that would put a goldfish to shame, so that’s out of the question for sure…

And now?

K is so mushy, he’s trying to perfect the art of being a modern day Shakespeare. He spouts such sweet mushy stuff that I hold my head and try to comprehend it without falling off my chair. He talks in such an abstract manner that I get an aneurism from attempting to comprehend it all. He is so quixotic that one hopes that his girl is from the Victorian era, so that she may reply in tandem with him. His chats are so prosaic that I stare at the screen for 6 minutes and blink rapidly till I can reply.

And as for me… I am anti-mush and to the point. I want to get rid of nostalgia, me and my freakishly good memory for the mundane. Non sentimentality is my goal and needless to say, I’m not prosaic anymore.

Things change huh...

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Really?

Shapes and colours
Music and lights
Swinging around
Floating about
Dancing and laughing
We all played.

"We tried it" they said,
Laughing out loud
Surprising us all.
"That's something new...
Hey, let's try it too!"

So off we went in a haze
And then it began
Though it wasn't really part of the plan.

Pitch black it was
It started off small
Went on and on
Bigger than before
Stumbling and falling
We did not stop.

To new heights it went
But then we said
"Let's quit now while we're ahead."
Then we sat, overwhelmed by it all
"That was interesting and sure was a ball."

Don't cry now, you're not undone
Was some experience, 
Now let us keep mum.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

You are what you eat

You probably hear that all the time and go "Blech... what nonsense." Admittedly, so do I. But hey what the hell... here's something to prove it.

I like my food with loads of spice, enough to leave me gasping for breath and downing a litre of water at a go, and still continuing to eat after that.

I love chocolate. I love sweets. All to the point that at times I can think I can survive on that alone and nothing else. So much so that I can eat 4 full size bars a day, everyday.

Analogy time.. Here I go... 

I think in extremes. If I'm happy, I'm on top of the world, so much so that I make people tease me for being so overjoyed.

If I'm sad, I pretty much couldn't get more depressed, so much so that I worry a lot of people around me.

Q.E.D. (?)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Waaaaa!

(Noun) Whine- A complaint uttered in a plaintive way.
(Verb) Whine- To complain or protest in a childish manner or about trivial things 

Life without whining is slightly less fun than it would be otherwise. Even when there is nothing particular to whine about, some good natured cribbing always helps any situation and adds some spice to it. Life is good when you can whine without thinking twice. And.... you know someone is close when you can whine and crib without any qualms whatsoever. After all, it's not like you're yelling at them, or scolding them for your problems. You just need a ear, as someone very aptly put it once. You're just letting off some steam and exhibiting human nature- Will make self heard, even though it's really not required.

So... when you have to veeery carefully filter your thoughts and words so that not even a morsel of whining slips out to those who were once and are still supposed to be your ear/shoulder/head/knee, you know life's being a bitch.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

You know your day’s going to go well...

..... when some of the first things you see in the morning are:

A pigeon struggling to keep its balance on a wire that’s being crazily buffeted by the wind and then falling off spectacularly while managing a couple of somersaults in the air before resignedly flying away. And...

A camel running behind a cart and picking up a spare used tyre lying on it with its teeth and chomping away, then making sure to drop it back on the cart after it’s tired of it, actually running after the cart to make sure it lands there.

:D

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Advance Nostalgia

The projects, moots, assignments, tests and the other hellish work we have here always has me tearing my hair out quite often. But it's certain incidents that make it all worthwhile... which I will miss like hell when I leave this place.

The entire student body of the college coming together. Standing outside the office of the Vice Chancellor and protesting, insisting that the Dean of Law be thrown out. Having a joint meeting with him in which we royally bitch about the Dean. Propaganda. Writing 250 applications demanding the same thing. Group encouragement. Rallying.

Sitting on green grass under the cloudy sky in twilight and writing dialogues for a skit on very very short notice. People acting out all possible roles, causing others to double up laughing. Seeing a pretty petite female Gabbar and a bigger male Kaalia. Learning I must have a mustache and big sidelocks drawn on me today (My last name is Ramesh . My role is Ramesh babu from Om Shanti Om. Go figure.) Gathering people you don’t often talk to and rehearsing , while still having a blast. Planning wacky costumes. Convincing a girl to participate by telling her that Angelina Jolie unfortunately wasn’t available and she would hence have to save the day by filling in.

Making rice and calling all the girls in the hostel to get their respective powders, pastes and sauces and hogging, making a mess and cleaning up together. Having what we call a podi party (powder party).

Beginning guitar classes from a friend. Discovering you’re a really fast learner. Jamming with the regulars and getting happy that you’re actually producing anti cacophony.

Sitting on the ground outside the mess in everyone’s way and playing cards in a large group, creating a huge racket, of course. Bluff, Rummy, Blackjack never seemed like so much fun.

Playing hopscotch for hours outside the hostel with the lines drawn with Laxmanrekha (cockroach medicine). Amusing several senior students and a warden or two. Having the campus electrician standing there as referee/umpire/cheerleader.

Buying outrageous birthday gifts for friends. A bowl of fishes for one girl. Lingerie for another girl. Lingerie for one guy. A bottle of vodka for another guy. Throwing surprise birthday parties for someone who got so happy with the surprise that he declared all food and drink to be on the house and ended up shelling out 8 grand while remaining overjoyed.

Wading in knee high water and walking kilometers in incessant pouring rain. Being shocked because, after all, it’s Jodhpur! Getting soaked and filthy that day and enjoying every bit of it. Deciding to waste that whole day and going eating, shopping, for a movie and just roaming around because we refused to go back to college.

Singing LOUDLY in a group in each and every auto journey.

Teasing new couples and old and watching them blush.

Little things and massive things. So many that I can’t even remember half to mention.

I love college.

(The non academic part :S)

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Think

There was a time
When the thoughts would not stop;
Tormenting body, mind and soul.
People wished it wasn't so.

Now things have changed
And peace prevails.
Then why do they wish
For it to return?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Down in a hole. Feeling so small.

Uneasiness, restlessness, aversion and confusion, all rolled into one.

Disliking yourself is the worst, most uncomfortable feeling one can ever experience.

Almost.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Pharmacy. Open 24 x 7.

Sleep is the best medicine. Especially if you are experiencing a deficiency of laughter in the first place. You escape the world, with all its unpleasant realities and all your demons wandering about joblessly taking pleasure in treating you as their dartboard till you feel deflated. So you sleep. Tell the demons to take a hike for a few hours. That’s what I do. Am depressed, will sleep. Excessively. Dangerously in some cases. Dangerous in the sense that I really should not be sleeping so much as say, studying for the next days exam.

I used to be one hell of an insomniac. I would toss and turn till dawn without a wink of sleep, for nights on end. And that would not exactly help situations. So, one irritable night, I took to codeine. Worked like a charm. Black magic actually. Slept like a baby, whenever I wanted to. Whenever I needed to. The magic continued for a few months. Then I got a little apprehensive and tried sleeping without it. Impossible. Take the tossing and turning, add a pinch of desperate restlessness to it and two cups of burning anxiety, and that’s what I ended up with. Not pleasant to say the least. Tossing and turning feverishly, hearing a rooster across the street start crowing from 2 am onwards and thinking “They need to get that bird fixed… the sun is nowhere close to up…” That scared me. Took me a while to discard all those extra condiments. I was then left with plain old same-as-ever insomnia. But I needn’t have worried. Very soon after that I was packed off to college where I had to work so hard that I was out like a light while my head was still en route to the pillow. And the present status is: Sleep your worries away. It will save you your sanity, at least for those blissful few (?) hours.

A better medicine which I discovered but can't use all the time... Writing. I am not verbally brilliant. I can perform decently in debates, but when it comes to discussing my feelings and emotions, I’m reduced (enhanced?) to a stammering nervous totem pole. I’d much rather discuss serious issues with people through email, sms or IM. Then I become so much more eloquent, more composed, more rational. In person, I stammer, I forget, I say the opposite of what I mean. So I usually don’t say at all. And then I get more jittery by the minute. I snap. I shout. Then I apologise. And then I sleep. And the cycle goes on. So I write. For people, for myself, or for everyone who cares to read, on the blog. And then I can dance a little jig and mean it too.

2 a.m. and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to.

-- Breathe, Ana Nalick

So many medicines… literal and figurative…

Monday, June 30, 2008

Livin’ it up at the Hotel California

K is the manager of a hotel in California. If it's the very reputation of the hotel or K’s sheer fine luck I know not, but this hotel seems to attract customers of the hilarious kind. Since K refuses to start his own blog and hinted that he wants this up here, here you go, out of the kindness of my heart. For your reading pleasure, this episode is about the adventures of Lord Krishna and Mrs. S. Think it sounds like a new cartoon appearing on our Hindi-cized version of Cartoon Network? You’re not much off the mark about the cartoon part.

Act 1:

Enter Mrs. S from London, a regressive healing expert with clients in California, looking for a hotel room. Our very own K graciously shows her to one. Mrs. S is overjoyed.

“The energy in this room is very positive, Krishna Krishna…”

“What perfect vaastu, Krishna Krishna…”

“Can I have some toast and a pot of tea sent up here please, Krishna Krishna…”

Exit a satisfied Mrs. S, leaving behind an amused hotel.


Act 2:

Enter K, acting very managerial, at his desk. Phone rings.

“Hello. Hotel California. How may I help you?”

“This is Mrs. S. I would like to book a room for Saturday please.”

I’m sorry Mrs. S, we have no rooms available on Saturday”

“Krishna Krishna, Now what do I do!?”

Exit an apologetic amused K.

Act 3:

Enter K and Mrs S. Luckily, there is vacancy today.

Mrs. S: “Can I have the same room I had last time?”

K: I’m sorry Mrs S., but that room is occupied.

Mrs. S: “Krishna Krishna…”

K: “But we do have Room 101 for you. It has a king bed, very comfortable. I’m sure you will like it.”

Mrs. S: “Oh no... Krishna does not like the ground floor…”

K: “…………… (Stifled laughter) We do have rooms on the second floor. How about this twin bedroom?”

Mrs. S: “What will I do with two beds Krishna.....?”

K: “The only free single rooms we have are on the ground floor actually….”

Mrs. S: “Oh… Krishna… Show me another room then…”

K: “Here you go. Another twin bedroom.”

Mrs. S: “Oh this room is good. Krishna will like it very much. But I only need one bed. The other one I leave to Krishna.”

K: (Under his breath) Krishna help me…..

Exit K, leaving Mrs. S who is rearranging the angle of the mirror and humming something that sounds suspiciously like Teri aankhein bhool bhulaiyya.

THE END

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Ego

Our best friend. Our worst enemy.

Gives us our individuality. Can alienate us.

Gives us our dignity. Yet, can make us lose our dignity instantly.

Makes us stand up for what we think is right. But then again, who the hell says we actually are right?

Can make us an individual to be admired. Can make us an individual to be ridiculed and ignored.

Helps you stick to your beliefs. Can make you stick to your beliefs too rigidly.

Gives us success. Gives us heartache.


Life is too complicated for one enjoy it properly. Bah.

Isn't ego a man made thing anyway? We discovered it. Gave it a name. Psychoanalysed it. Nurtured it. If we hadn't done all that, life would be blissfully less perplexing. Great going...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

You don’t understand.

Really. You don’t.

Most people will listen to you. They will nod sympathetically. And then they will say those two comforting heartfelt words: “I understand”. Bullshit.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m actually very grateful that you listened patiently, grateful for your sympathy, grateful that you simply didn't run away while pulling your hair out after I narrated my dukh bhari daastan… But you don’t understand. Everyone says it of course, including me, and I’m sure I’ll continue to do so. But you simply do NOT understand.

It may be your best friend; it may be your sibling; it may be your mom. But they will not understand unless they are in exactly the same situation you are in. Placing yourself in someone else’s shoes does not work. You have to have a pair of that exact same broken in and worn out shoes of your very own. Sometimes even an absolute stranger or an enemy may understand better than your loved ones.

It’s simple. Suppose I have a problem. Let’s hypothetically say that my problem is that of a horrifying landlady who is making my life hell and not giving me any peace of mind, so much so that I have to resort to blah-ing to my friends about her and ranting about her on my blog. Now you can’t always seethe about her to someone who has an amazing motherly landlady who knits them sweaters and bakes cakes for them just because she felt like. Because that person will not really understand. They might sympathise, sure. But they will be thinking “My situation is so different. Man I’m lucky to have such a sweet landlady.” (Sympathetic nod and pat on shoulder) “How can she be feeling this way? Maybe she just doesn’t appreciate her landlady’s feelings” (Aww you poor thing... She did that??? Tsk tsk…) “Hmmm…I wonder what landlady darling has cooked for me today…..”

Lame example but you get the picture. And there’s nothing wrong with it as such. It’s human nature. But find another with the same problem as you have and there you have a kindred spirit and there you have a person you can REALLY talk to. You can narrate and discuss and bitch freely without bothering that the other person will be horrified at what you say. Without wondering if you are the one in the wrong. Only here can you truly let your feelings out. Even if it’s an absolute stranger you’re talking to. And if this person happens to be your best friend/close confidante, so much the better for you. Not that I would wish all my problems on my best friend of course…

It’s happened to me. Having a friend you can talk to about anything and everything in the world except for a couple of topics which I could produce a tirade on for hours. And it was infuriating, having to hold that stuff in. I’ve found an outlet. Phew.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Tag! You're it!

Highly interesting tag. A tad long. My apologies. Oh hell it’s my blog… Apologies duly retracted.

Ten random things about myself:

  1. I have negligible patience. And that’s putting it mildly. No instant reply to an SMS and I fret. I have to wait for someone I’m supposed to be meeting, I pace, I fidget, I fume. Is that because of my inane tendency to turn up before the decided time you ask? Let’s not change the subject here…
  2. Although I do think the best plans are the spontaneous ones, I have a paranoia for advance planning. I will be satisfied when tickets for a movie are booked 2 days in advance. If the hotel room is booked a week before a road trip to another city with friends. Add the zero patience, and I snap when people refuse to help in planning at all. And woe betide someone if the plan is called off due to the lack of planning….
  3. I can survive solely on pizzas and chocolate. I love food more than I love my little toes on both feet. Ehh they're too chubby anyway.
  4. I read insanely fast. In school, often we used to share a book between 2 people while reading, between classes. People fought not to read with me because by the time they had finished reading 2 paragraphs, I would have finished both pages and would be turning to the next page gingerly trying to read whatever I could see of the next page (Refer for point 1 for explanation for behaviour).
  5. I want to try everything. And anything. I want to experience absolutely everything that life has to offer, thrice over, excluding experiences of the narcotic and tobacco kind. And I want to have done it 5 minutes ago.
  6. I crack some of the worst jokes known to mankind. And laugh myself silly at them as well as the groans of the victims who have to suffer them. And I’m offended if they don’t. Groan at them, that is.
  7. Once I start laughing in earnest, it’s next to impossible to get me to stop. And it has its benefits too. People act concerned and very sympathetic like they’re talking to a nutcase after I haven’t paused once in two full minutes. Once, I startled a friend so much he offered to buy me anything in Shopper’s Stop that I wanted if that would make me pause and assure him I was fine.( I still kick myself for having politely and breathlessly declined that offer). The longest I’ve lasted to my recollection is 2 hours 15 minutes. All right… Pick up those jaws now… Where’s your courtesy?
  8. I would sell my soul to have a puppy of my very own.
  9. I cry. Way too often. Ok maybe not fultoo cry…. When Sirius died, yes. When Dumbledore died, yes. When Gandalf died, yes. That’s ok, right? Now… When the 3 men and 1 woman live happily ever after with the baby (3 men and a baby, don’t make me kill you), I got emotional. When Manny saved Ellie and declared his love for her, I got teary eyed (Ice Age 2 for the ones scratching their heads/beards). When Opal Mehta finally got kissed, got wild, got a life and got into Harvard after all the nonsense that preceded it, I thought a sentimental “good-for-her”. When Sam, Annie and Jonah walk away hand in hand after all the insomnia in Seattle, I had to blink my eyes rapidly. You get the picture. Yeah I know… My trip is waiting, wide open... it’s yours for the taking…
  10. Start talking about astrology, horoscopes, kundalis, palmistry, karmic and cosmic connections, and what the stars have in store for me, in front of me, and I will crack up. I don’t mean to offend you so I give you an advance warning. And when I crack up, watch out… (Refer to point 7)

Nine things I wish I wasn’t/didn’t:

  1. I find it excruciatingly difficult to discuss my problems with others. Very often I don’t. If I do, it’s limited to around 2 people whom I confide in. Wish I was more open.
  2. I’m way too shy. Hence I can’t talk to new people instantly. So often it’s happened that a friend and I are introduced to someone new and while the friend goes on to become best pals with the stranger in a few minutes, I come across and disinterested and unwilling to speak for quite a while. Keep at it and then I mellow down and refuse to shut up :)
  3. I think enough for the whole US army put together. Yeah, it’s a tad unnecessary. Once, a guy who was (unsuccessfully) trying to hit on me wanted to read my palm (yes, I did crack up very soon). Taking my hands into his own (ahem), the first thing he said was all the excessive lines on my palm said that I thought way too much… So it’s apparent even to observers…. Damn…
  4. Because of above unwanted habit, I get worried very easily and very often. I think of all possible scary scenarios to a situation and fret about each and every one of them.
  5. I use the adjective cute way too much. I really need to cut down.
  6. I forgive. I don’t often forget.
  7. Am too self conscious.
  8. I am lazy. I procrastinate.
  9. My mood is often decided by what other people do or say. And I hate that.

Eight things I’m wondering right now:

  1. Why does this tag seem a little tough?
  2. Why did I skip the gym today???
  3. Will Sunday’s trek actually happen?
  4. Why are the only messages I get nowadays from Reliance?
  5. To how many people will the stuff I say here be a surprise?
  6. Sigh… Will I ever reach my dream weight?
  7. Why were cockroaches and pigeons put on this earth when they serve no purpose but to annoy?
  8. When oh when will I understand what I actually want from life?

Seven things that cross my mind a lot:

  1. Where is “this” going? Should "it" be going at all?
  2. I hope there’s no hullabaloo created when I get married.
  3. I hope things are different when I have kids.
  4. I wonder if I'll have any "friends forever".
  5. I always seem to be reaching out for something different than what I should be…
  6. Sometimes I seem to strive to be unhappy but obviously hate it when I am… why the hell?
  7. I should really stop being so lazy…

Six things I’d like to do before I die:

  1. Bake an edible cake. Every attempt so far has resulted in something resembling a different planet each time.
  2. Be a famous columnist.
  3. Have sex. See what the fuss is all about.
  4. Bungee jump.
  5. Have a dog which dotes on me.
  6. Maintain this blog till the very end. Far fetched, yes. But possible.

Five turn ons:

  1. The ability to talk mind boggling nonsense effortlessly
  2. A French beard.
  3. A guitar. Take a half decent looking guy and a guitar and put them together and you have a very weak-kneed me. I kid you not.
  4. The ability to handle my moodiness. A rarity, this one.
  5. Ability to make me want to talk endlessly.


Four Turn offs:

  1. Be good to the people lesser than you. Act unnecessarily mean to a little beggar and put an empty chocolate wrapper in her begging bowl and face my wrath.
  2. Male chauvinism. Blech. It’s everywhere.
  3. Refusing to accept one’s own mistakes.
  4. Over-nosiness

Three ways to win my heart:

  1. Play the guitar for me.
  2. Go to great lengths just to elicit a simple smile from me.
  3. Talk to me. Give me something new to think about. Tell me about yourself without overdoing it. Have a genuine desire to know about me, and not just the pretty bits. Don’t force your opinion on me. Discuss. Compromise. And keep at it.

Two smileys that describe me:

  1. :P - Teasing people
  2. :D - Laughing!

One confession

My first crush was Captain Planet. Yes, the cartoon. Doesn’t fictional animated character sound so much better?

This was tougher than I thought. And took longer than I thought it would. But fun. Anyone who wants, take a shot at it. Enjoy :)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

What's in a number...?

Of all the friends I have, quite a few are quite a bit older than I am. Presently, they are 24, 25, 27, 29... You get the picture… I first started interacting with them when I was 16 or so. At that time, these people were in the age group of 21-27 years. What stunned me was that I got along so smashingly with them. I could talk to them freely on subjects ranging from the mundane to the significant; from the general to the personal. And never once did they let the age gap interfere. In the beginning I expected teasing remarks calling me a kid, and the like, since I had seen it so many times with other people. But no, none of that… to my astonishment. Now that I think about it, if I had been in their place, maybe I would not have interacted and connected so much with one so much younger… Perhaps… And nothing can describe how glad I am that this was not the case with them. No talking down to me, no filtering or censoring conversations, no snide remarks. All I ever got was a surprised “Hey, I just realized... you’re the only undergrad friend I have!” from K and a comic “Guess I’m too old for you, huh?” from D.

People were surprised at the number of older friends I had, and continue to be. But I’m glad I have them in my life. I would have missed out on way too much had they ever let the age gap make any sort of difference at all.

So here’s to all the sense, nonsense, inspiration, endless messages, long conversations, “paid-for” lunches, bike rides, career counseling, mental therapy, trips “into orbit”, shopping sprees, tattoo tips, timepass flirting and loads more. Love you guys :)

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Here today, gone tomorrow.

So often it happens we take solace in something temporary rather than something permanent.

Some people are closer to their friends than to their family. Friends are, strictly speaking, temporary. You never know when you will lose them. They might get married and go away; they might shift residence and move away; they might just lose touch over the years, finding no time for you… Yet these relationships are at times more relied upon, from the mental point of view. That momentary wisp of friendship, that sudden moment of understanding, that spark of connection or that steady trust that that develops with those people you call your friends, that can make you open up eons more than the steadfastness, the sturdiness, the permanence of family. You can discuss freely, without any inhibition, without fearing disapproval, rejection or repulsion. Discover yourself without worrying if what you discern might be wrong in their eyes, without fearing that you might be thinking, speaking or doing something which would bring forth disapproval. Without the fear that you might have to repent severely what you did and make amends. Because if these happen, damage control is easier. If not possible, you can always find more friends, if it comes to that. You cannot find another family.

Consider it in another sense of the word. This is purely from a personal point of view. If I have a secret or problem I cannot divulge freely, but need to talk about, what do I do? I talk about it freely, openly. But to someone who has no clue about the repercussions it would cause if spoken to people closer to home. People who are permanently there, for the present at least; those are whom I can’t talk to. There the fear of people’s judgment and trustworthiness comes in. Problem college, discuss thoroughly with friends back home. And the other way round. No danger of leaks, no consequences you might regret, no mental trauma.

Psychologically, I depend on impermanence more. What about you? And what would you rather be?

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Silly Spice- The newest member.

I had heard a lot about the movie "Mistress of Spices". I had heard it was highly acclaimed. Hence I planned to catch it on TV today. I ended up seeing only the last ten minutes of the movie and though it may actually be very good, creative, moving, etc etc, this is what I inferred from it, from only the last ten minutes I might add. So if you loved the movie and cannot bear to see its reputation be blanded down, hold your spicy tongues till the end of the post.

Aishwaria Rai who is the female lead is called Tilo. She is the "Mistress of Spices”, which is a fancy name for a spice seller abroad some place. She keeps talking to her spices as though they are her "Dear Diary" cum shooting-star cum puppy-who-fawns-over-you cum passionate-lover. Dialogues are thrown in like “I know love is right but I shall live only for you, my dear spices.” “Cinnamon, you have helped me through this rough patch in my life.” Ok that is weird and I’m pretty sure that’s not just me. Spice Girl is confused about love life with Mr. Cute Firang, helps everyone else by being superwoman, but has no time to fulfill her desires, as she bemoans to her beloved elaichi. So one day, she dolls up with home remedies made from her spices, wears a sexy red sari, spends a passionate night with Cute Firang and then (I think) attempts to commit suicide by fire, surrounded by red chillies, in her shop, after burying herself in them. She fails at this and Cute Firang finds her amidst loads of rubble with not a scratch, burn or tear on her or any of her clothes, with hair and makeup perfectly intact and with strange accent firmly in place. She then realizes her mistake and emotionally blackmails Cute Firang into rebuilding her shop.

I won’t comment on the story, really. I don’t even know it. But I will say this… Her name is Tilo. This might have specifically been chosen because throughout at least the last ten minutes, she kept gathering til in her hands and letting it flow down like it was water. You see the connection? Even her parents while naming her had a foresight that she would be a Spice Girl.

Another coincidence... Why was Ash picked to star in this movie? Because of her I’m-an Indian-but-I’m-not-accent? Because she’s pretty? Because she acts well? (That last one is definitely not it.) Give up? It’s because of the spice connection. Aishwaria RAI… could it get any more obvious? It was fate. It was a recipe gone terribly wrong...

Now that I’ve nicely butchered this movie for those who loved it, I now (Spice) jet off before I’m slaughtered. Bring on the skewers.

Curiosity thrills :D

A (to M1): I'm curious... Can you have sex underwater?

M1: How would I know? Not like I’ve tried you know…

A (to M2): Hmmphhh... Fine… You tell me… Can you have sex underwater?

M2: (Indignation personified) How would I know????

A: Oh god… Fine… I’ll rephrase that... Can one have sex underwater?

M2: Nope. Can’t be done. At least two are needed.

A: ………………………………….

Saturday, June 07, 2008

To Steve Jobs: My Apologies

It was cliché. It was everywhere. It was on TV, books, advertisements, even billboards. It was annoying.

What I’m talking about is the big hype and depression that came with the rite of passage of turning 30. Or as sitcoms referred to it, the big three-oh. Yeesh… my reaction- come on. Suck it up. You managed to stay alive for 30 years didn’t you? Celebrate. Or if not, don’t make people moan along with you.

To all those sitcoms, to all those books, commercials and billboards; my apologies. Me, a 19 year old with the mental age of a 4 year old (or so her friends claim) has seen the light; way too early actually. It happened when a friend hit 20. (Don’t make me say the big two-oh. Shoot me if I succumb.) Panic set in. The panic causing thoughts were/are:

  • Oh… She’s 20 now. That’s old, right? Hey, even I’M almost 20. That’s old right?
  • Oh no… When I turn 20, life as I know it is over. No more teenage years. No more double benefits of adult and kid. Come on, when you’re 18 or 19, you can huffily claim to be an adult and get away with things and at other times, make that cute pouty face and get away with doing something you might have been berated for otherwise.
  • Oh no… I'll have to graduate! Leave college! Get a job! Start earning! Decide what on earth to do with life! Run!
  • Oh no… Soon, annoying relatives will start pestering me to get married. The perennial comments of “Such a tall girl no… will have to find a nice Tamil boy taller than you” and “My sister’s husband’s nephew’s cousin is a doctor in Madras. He is the perfect boy for you!” will have to be heard and tolerated with much more patience than normal, which I lack in any case.

And I occasionally moan to Dad, “Appa, I’m becoming so old!” And I get a standard response, a well deserved raised eyebrow.

And people wonder why I act so kiddish.

Save yourselves. Stay juvenile, stay foolish.

Friday, June 06, 2008

All in all it's just Another Brick in the Wall

Normal conversations with Another Brick in the Wall: *

Convo 1
Me: Saw the perfect girl for you on the train. Was sitting opposite me for an hour. Oh well, she just left.
Brick: You did get her number right? You did tell her about me right? Cos if not, I don’t want to hear about such things…
Me: Let me describe her… Short, thin, very curly hair, wearing a rock tshirt, tattoo on her left wrist, head banging away to her Ipod… Sounds perfect for you na? :P
Brick: Whaaa… I’m already in love with her. What are you doing to me? :(

Convo 2
Brick: When you going coming to Mumbai?
Me: 3 weeks or so…
Brick: Hope you have talked to some girls in your college about me… done your propaganda and all… Worn that billboard around your neck saying that your nice sweet brother is single and ready to mingle…
Me: Of course. 2 guys were interested. None else. Sorry…
Brick: Damn… Try harder next time… Well… do the guys look good then?
Me: ………………………………………………………

Convo 3
Me: So how was class?
Brick: Oh I saw this really cute girl!!
Me: So did you talk to her?
Brick: Ummm… No… but I did talk to this other girl so I wouldn’t trip over my own jaw as it hit the ground when I looked at the cute one.
Me: Big surprise… Like I keep saying… You cannot flirt for nuts…
Brick: I can too! I was flirting with the other girl ok…
Me: What did you say?
Brick: We…ahem… talked about office life and how frustrating and hazardous it can be…
Me: I rest my case…

To make this wannabe-flirt-but-actually-shy-sweet-nincompoop happy and embarrassed as hell, all gals and interested guys contact him here. My work here is done. :)

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* All conversations here have been exaggerated. He’s not actually that much of a nincompoop or that boring. Just hilarious.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

I want...

The earth to just stick its head in a full bathtub and stay there till the bubbles stop. Then of course it is free to slump down involuntarily.

Bah.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Madras Memories

When I was around 6 years old, I had a drawing contest in school. I was to draw the three bears from Goldilocks. You spent hours looking for a picture of the three bears for me to draw from. You tried helping me draw it properly. In the end, you ended up drawing it for me. It was quite good.

I had no cable TV as a kid, so whenever I stayed at your house in Madras, I would park myself in front of the TV everyday and watch Cartoon Network from 9 am to 9 pm, till it changed to TNT. You would get amusedly exasperated.

You made me help you pluck mangoes from the tree growing in your garden. We used a big stick with a hook on it. We plucked chickoos too. We also watered the garden with the whole family. You showed me different plants and told me about them. It was fun.

You would make all sorts of spicy powders and pickles almost every week. When I was there at your place, you would fill up big Bournvita containers with them, place them in cardboard boxes (it would take at least 2 boxes to fit them all), tie them up with green thick twine, using a staple machine of some sort to hold it together, to take them home. If we were not in Madras, you would courier small packets of powders in big envelopes. It was hilarious. I always wondered what would happen if it was intercepted and someone suspected it to be gunpowder and drugs. For the record, they were all delicious.

You would use any and every occasion to send a cheque. Be it my birthday, or new year, or Tamil new year, or any festival whatsoever. Invariably, there would be a cheque in the mail, sent by you.

You would give me books to read. Soon, we started exchanging books and discussing them. You were one of the very few adults I discussed books with. And especially even authors like Sidney Sheldon. And definitely the only one above 70 years of age. And you were the most interested one of the lot.

You could never sit still. If you got bored, you would roam around the house fixing things you suspected needed fixing. You were usually right.

You were the head of the proverbial family. You ran the whole show. You made right out of wrong. You helped everyone in the family, and not just those who asked for it. You were the most concrete of them all.

I’m sorry we couldn’t discuss that last book I lent you. I’m sorry you suffered so much. I’m sorry that it was so painful for you. I’m sorry that it had become so that you couldn’t even make pickles and fix gadgets anymore before you left. I’m sorry you’re gone because I’m sure you would worry about the ones you left behind. I sure do.

I’ll miss you Jai thatha. More than you would have thought.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Great Eastern Ramblings: Part V - Back to the heat

Day 8 - Gangtok sight seeing

Nice. I saw monasteries with tiny little monks and old old monks. Both are adorable! I saw a bunch of girls come to visit the monastery, dressed in minidresses and stilettos. Quite stupid considering it's a place of worship situated at quite a height and one has to climb for a good 10 minutes to get there.

Apart from that, the interesting sight I saw was a bunch of fish grazing on grass... Cute.

Day 9 - Way back home.

This was one of the most frustrating days ever. In case you didn't know, I don't have much patience. And this was the day I had to take a flight from a tiny non-air conditioned humid airport to Calcutta airport where I had to wait for a good 6 hours till my next flight home. Not fun. Not the best ending to such a brilliant holiday. If not for a trusty BlackBerry, I might not have survived. But hey, you gotta keep the balance, huh? Oh well, back to the humidity and heat of Bombay. You gotta love it :P

I'll end the series with a picture I took of a road sign. Slightly mis-quoted but you get the gist of it.


And as I told a friend of mine, if you don't see Sikkim before you die, you should kill yourself.
:P

Great Eastern Ramblings: Part IV - Top of the world!



Day 7 – Natu La Pass

It’s the pass that also serves as the border between India and China. We start off. We’re right in the middle of a cloud. I think we’re almost there. But to my surprise, 40 more km to go. Yikes. This place must be high.

Steep steep roads. Very very narrow. I wonder how they were even made. The roads I mean. Unbelievable, people actually live at those heights. I saw many random houses with laundry hung outside and a kid playing outside and nothing is sight for miles. Quite surprising. As we go higher, it gets wayy cold… We stopped at some place and hired huge fluffy long jackets. Mine had BAD BOY written on it in big red letters on the back. Hehehe.

We reached the pass and snow everywhere! That was the first time I had ever seen snow so I was excited to say the least.. and promptly started a snow fight which lasted till we left the place. The pass is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen. For 14,200 feet above sea level, it was also the highest meal I have ever had on solid ground. There were Indian soldiers who looked amused, and Chinese soldiers, who looked thoroughly bored. I don’t blame them. All they see all day are tourists who treat them like animals in a zoo ogling them and saying hi to them. Oh, but the view is beyond gorgeous. It was like sight seeing in heaven! And I sure got delighted to see smoke coming out of my mouth. Or whatever you call those fumes. I was soon puffing away like a chain smoker :) The place is too beautiful to describe effectively…

Then we go to Baba Mandir. I was under the the impression that you see one temple, you’ve seen them all. And I still stand by that. But this temple is an exception. Its in the honour of a soldier who died and someone dreamt that he wanted a temple built and it became like a shrine. What’s interesting about this temple is that people say that someone has to wash and iron his uniform everyday because it gets crumpled and dirty. He even gets a salary and regularly gets promotions! Hahahahahaha! Strange but very interesting.

On the way back down, we stop to return the coats. I see a yak for the first time ever. Oh they are cute!! Look so gently confused at something.. oh adorable.. :) I had the best momos I’ve ever tasted and had thukpa for the first time (noodle soup- Tibetan dish). And trust me, having momos and thukpa which are piping hot at 13000 feet near the India-China/ Tibet border while sitting in a hailstorn which converts to a rainstorm while its freezing outside is like nothing else. Seriously. The cute old lady who made the food kept jabbering away in some language, maybe Nepali while we understood about half and tried to reply and keep up with her.

Random sights were also seen such as continuous signs on the winding road such as Speed thrills but kills (ok…), Be soft on my curves (ahem…), Drive like hell and you will be there (chuckle..), On my curves watch your nerves (hehehehe) and Road is hilly don't be silly (hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!); a goat wearing a raincoat; and a dude looking gorkha guy who was perched on a rock and winked at me and blew me a kiss as I sped past, obviously enjoying the sight of my eyebrows shooting up into my hair. My insides were already very warm due to the Tibetan food, and my cheeks promptly followed suit and joined the club :P

Whatta day... :)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Great Eastern Ramblings: Part III - Wet, Wet, Wet

Day 5- Kalimpong.

Ho hum. Can afford to miss.

Day 6- Gangtok

Transit: Kalimpong to Gangtok. The driver is a dude in cargos and glares who could not talk in a more tapori way if his life depended on it. Chatting non stop with my dad and practically saying “Abeyy uncuuul!!!”, he talked about how Calcutta weather sucks, how Bombay taxiwalas looted him once and rafting. On and on about river rafting. I had tried the previous day to convince dad to go rafting but to no avail. This guy was better at this it seemed. The marketing went on and on for 30 kilometres, maybe more. Then he just did not give my dad a choice. We reached the river Teesta and he just parked the car at a place you could get a raft and got his friend to give my dad all the info. Me; all this time I was sitting and silently laughing my guts out to see my dad handling the tapori rafting agent with his less than perfect hindi, hoping he would agree. He is left with no choice but to agree, what with an overenthusiastic driver, an enthusiastic daughter and a not-unenthusiastic wife. Off we went. I won’t even describe it. I can’t. The river is beautiful and the experience is exhilarating and thrilling. That’s all I can say. Oh yeah, one more thing. In our raft were 4 guides, all around 20 years of age. They were fun. Not only did they keep pushing each other out and start impromptu water fights between themselves and with us, but they also saw their girlfriends across the river and screamed out “I love you!!!” for the whole city to hear. Yeah, they were fun. After rafting, we are of course soaked to the skin. We meet the driver again. I thank him for convincing my dad where I had failed. He is amused. I praise his advertising and marketing and wonder aloud what his commission will be. He is embarrassed and sheepish.

1 thing did amaze me. I’m shocked my parents actually came rafting. Especially my mom who gets scared even when a new born puppy so much as glances in her general direction…. :P

The Hotel: A bellboy bore the interesting name of Antaryami. The managing director of the hotel was called Diamond Oberoi. That itself made my day.

More on Gangtok later.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Great Eastern Ramblings: Part II – Green Day


Day 3 and 4 - Darjeeling

Sights and Sounds: They say that the best part of the journey is the journey there. I couldn’t agree more… The mere ride to the Darjeeling and the hotel was the most beautiful thing about it. I discovered that I absolutely love hairpin turns, which there were a lot of, and that I would love to be on the back of a bike when taking those turns… Green everywhere. Steep roads. Very steep roads. Little kids in school uniforms walking and walking for half the journey there. No wonder they all are so thin. Babies and toddlers looking like proper dolls. Wanted to pick them up and put them in my bag to take home. Tea plantations everywhere on hilly slopes. People with baskets plucking them. An occasional hen clucking and rustling about in the tea plants! Little houses all the way up with loads and loads and loads of flowers at each and every porch. Look like little toy houses. Not to mention the famous toy train that stops at little toy stations which dotting the place. The tracks of the train go all over the place, in the middle of roads, through gardens, right at people’s doorsteps… Its cute how it goes anywhere and everywhere… you hear the whistle of the train and to the side of the road :)

The people here would have to be excellent drivers what with such steep roads and hairpin turns. And they go FAST! Mom was hanging on terrified while I… I love speed in all its definitions (except for the auto fuel and the narcotic, and that’s only because I have no experience with those two.)

People: Real friendly. Girls are beautiful here, really, with their clear skin, long hair and Jamini Roy eyes. Guys look good too, only so many of them are the wannabe dude types with baggy jeans and spiked up hair… Sigh.. Oh well… But several did remind me of Bhaichung Bhutia and a certain cute bartender that I keep bumping into ;)

Animals: All animals in the city, and in the other places I went to (Kalimpong and Gangtok) look like they have just come out of a spin cycle in a washing machine. Very fluffy… especially the dogs...

Also, all the stray dogs here look like pets. As in I am used to seeing scrawny hairless dogs roaming on the streets but here, fluffy healthy almost pedigreed dogs roaming around… surprising…

The hotel I was staying at had 3 dogs. 1 was a very grouchy Lhasa Apso which I heard had bitten over a 100 people… so I stayed away… the other 2 were some rare Russian breed, named Peter and Lillian :) which climbed all over tables and ate leftover food.. I discovered the owner of the dog and his son and chattered away about dogs and even forced the son to click a photo of me and the dogs, later to realise that they were the owner of the hotel and his son. Well, ignorance certainly is bliss.

Apparently having discovered a love for all things mammalian (especially small and mammalian; those specimens get me cooing like a lovesick cuckoo) I went around the city petting any dog, cat goat, horse and human baby that came in my way while my mom looked on in a mixture of fear, disgust, concern, disbelief, consternation and amusement!! If you didn't get the emotions involved, you're not even human. But if you're mammalian, do come by for a pat on the head.

Customs: In all the hotels we went to, we were draped with a small silk scarf, and given a drink. This was served in a tiny goblet and looked like cough syrup. Surprisingly, it also tasted a lot like cough syrup. Only like cough syrup with a liberal shot of vodka in it. It warmed you from inside like a mini fireplace in your tummy. In that cold climate, it felt heavenly albeit wierd. Later I discovered that it was non alcoholic cherry brandy. How on earth that could have been non alcoholic, I am still left wondering…

Miscellaneous: I faced a personal mental trauma that day… After nearly 20 years of seeing my dad with his mustasche, he went and nicely neatly shaved it off. After fuming and lamenting, several wisecracks were made about putting on excess skin and too many square metres of face, and we all moved on with our lives… People adapt… who knew… :P

We visited the “Mall” as the locals affectionately call their market. It is a quaint little street filled with small shops and street shops. Peacefully noisy and teeming with “stray”dogs and monkeys, it was awesome… a far cry from the malls we all know and well, do love :P

Ever heard of excessive virtue? I experienced it. In the form of a bookshop so brilliant and fascinating that I left without having made a single purchase. Too much of variety :S

Good Morning!: Next morning we get up very very VERY early to see the sum rise over the Kanchenjunga. We race the sun, try to overtake it, but oh.. too late.. when we reach the point, the sun is there waving cockily to us. But the mountain sure is gorgeous…

Then a roadtrip… we reach the Indo-Nepal Border. Beautiful and freezing with drops of rain as big as bullets. We even pass through Nepal while driving. For moi, who has been only in 2 countries in her whole life, it’s a big deal. Bear with me. I was surprised though… I was under the impression that borders were more stringent and that one would have to pass through loads of barbed wire and guards to even go near another country.

Next stop, a place called Merrick. Has a very pretty lake and dense green forests. The whole area of the north east looks as if someone sprinkled magic dust on it and willed every possible square inch of the place to be as green as possible, with trees on ferns or flowers or even moss! With a kaleidescope of flowers to match, it’s quite lovely.

Darjeeling- A lovely green quaint city with tiny winding lanes that make you constantly unaware of where you will land up.

More later.

Great Eastern Ramblings: Part I - Can we leave now?

Day 1 and 2- Calcutta

In Transit: Landing in Calcutta is a pretty sight since all you see is little houses with lots and lots of coconut trees in the middle. Looks like a little village in Kerala! We’re on the way then to the company guest house when I see an ad for Big Bazaar which states "Isse sasta aur kahaan milega?" In that sleepy state of mind (I had slept for a total of 2 hours before being rudely awakened so we could catch our flight) the 1st thing I think of is that ad that warbles "Hum hai naaa" (The product eludes me. It might have been a bank...)

In the taxi I can think of only one thing. What horrible horrible horrible weather. If it had been any more humid, I’d have to protect my ears from passing fish :| After almost 75 minutes in that infernal vehicle, in the glaring sun, I was hoping to die a fast and painless death. We reach the guest house finally. I'm still alive but not particularly happy about it. We go to the guest house which has 2 cooks for us 3 little people, who start blushing royally when we praise their food (or should I say knightily keeping in mind it is IPL season).

Sights and sounds: Being right on Park street, I get super delighted at the sheer quantity of street food! Being a person who cud survive on this alone (to the horror of my parents), this was my best impression of Cal yet. Seeing a familiar sight, I point out a sign to my dad... I say "look, LST!" (referring to my former law school entrance coaching class.) My dad looks, smiles and nods. After a minute, he descends to earth and says "What??? LSD???" Sigh…………….. A couple of sheepish smiles at people who are staring at us and we speed off…

Tourist Attractions: In a nutshell. Indian museum sucks. Victoria Memorial is awesome. Town hall is very interesting. Belur Math is amazing. Dakshineshwar temple is filthy and not maintained at all. Am not much of a museum person.

Random Perceptions: Off the top of my head…

  • Calcutta has at least 6 types of buses. I counted.
  • The puchkas are nice but I think I prefer the pani puris of Bombay.
  • The street food culture there is mind blowing.
  • I love it that they call their streets Saranis. Like Ho Chi Minh Sarani and Shakespeare Sarani!
  • The weather till around 530 pm is a terrible horrific combo of that of Jodhpur and Bombay.
  • Yummy yummy sweets! Try the Prabhu Bhog at KC Das sweets.. or was they say, K Shee Daash.. really!
  • It might be better than it seemed to me, but I''m so glad I don't live there. No clue how people love the city so much.
Thank you to Sannoy, Snigdho and Arnab for planning out my Cal outing and i pray they don't kill me for my less than enthusiastic opinion about their city :)

Sunday, May 18, 2008

The 1 habit of highly effective vampires

Do you want to be a successful vampire? Do you want to be well-fed regularly? Do you want to get rid of the pesky hero who jumps in to save your victim from having one helluva hickey? If your answer to the above questions is yes, read on!

It's simple. Study human anatomy. Or canine if that's your preference of victim. I'll stick to humans right now.

Has it ever happened to you that you corner your prey who inevitably happens to be a gorgeous young woman, and attempt to feed off her while her screams (capable of shattering Rs. 24000 Armani sunglasses) draw the attention of an unwanted brave man intent on saving her? Usually, this does not bode well in your favour and you're forced to retreat after unsuccessful attempts at muah-hahaha-ing your way back into the girl's neck. How would anatomy help, you ask? Simple.

Corner the girl. Calculate the region where her jugular vein should be or any other major blood vessel. Swoop in. Swoop out.No messy hunting around for the blood while being distracted by the gunshots in your back. There you go.

I really should consider career counselling.

Look what a lot of boredom and a glass of tomato juice can result in... :P

And how's that for my 100th post... :D

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Like duh...

What is the universal language of the world? Lingua duniya if you will.

Stupidity.

Why else would Mr. Bean be so popular and loved world over...?

Monday, May 12, 2008

Puppy Thoughts

It happened when I was 16. Or maybe I was 17. This is the age that I began thinking.

What I mean by that is, only at that time did I actually start thinking. All my major problems in life started then. All my phobias developed then. All my idealogies were formed then. All my major opinions were formed then. Only then did I start getting wayy depressed and exhausted by the sheer quantity that I thought. Only then did it seem a relief to take a break from thinking.

I sometimes seriously wonder, what was I like before that time? How did I even survive? What on earth was I thinking, or not thinking? Right now it seems like I was this mould of a person that needed to be filled out and this happened at 16(17?). How people say that love among the youth is puppy love, I can say my thoughts earlier were similar, meaningless and playing almost no part in the person I became or the beliefs and morals I now hold. Maybe it was better then actually, since I so often tire myself out with all the thought.

Is it just me or is everyone as crazy as I appear in this post?

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Height of restlessness: Part II

There's so much to do in life... So much to see, so much to learn, so many places to go... It's such a huge world out there with so many people doing unfathomable things that you might want to do, only you never thought you would want to do those things, that you could, that you should... You've hardly made a dent in the world or any of the things that there are to do. You might not be sure at all about your future (I'm certainly not) but there exist times when you just don't care! But I've heard so much of the things people have done that I could have done and have wanted to do, that it makes me want to rush out there and start now! Sample everything the world has to offer! Or at least, what my city has to offer... I live in Bombay, the most "happening" city in the country. And I've seen practically nothing of it.

I want to go for plays. I want to go for concerts. I want to go for drives by the beach at night. I want to learn how to play more than 4 notes on a guitar. I want to go to a karaoke bar. I want to see people going crazy in a good way. I want to do different things...

Well something new... I typed this one out on a Blackberry... The internet really is the best invention ever. Better than sliced bread. Why is sliced bread supposed to be the best invention ever anyway?

Friday, May 09, 2008

Older Friend Syndrome

A fight to the death. A grueling experience. Draining all your energy, leaving you wondering why you are being put through this ordeal.

Sounds like I'm being made to make wine out of cotton or something doesn't it? But no... all that i just described, is a simple outing with a friend. 2 separate friends to be precise. Why the ordeal? Because they are always excruciatingly sweet. Believe it.

Both these specimens, Sukrit and Saloni, are both older than me. Both of them are working. And both of them feel that it is their responsibility to make sure that I am well fed and what not. Yes... whenever I meet either of them, they feel it is their duty to pay, for me as well as for themselves.

Me, I am a great believer in the "going dutch" system. Works for everyone. But these two are above all that. Be it an expensive lunch at a good restaurant or a simple packaged juice or the rickshaw fare, I am not to touch my wallet. They are the types to pounce on the bill, leaving me holding my wallet in despair, turning their back on me when i try to pay for myself or pay them back. Why this behaviour? As Sukrit put it, "When you start earning, you can pay." I figured this meant that when I start earning I can treat them. But no... Till I start earning, they pay for me too. Call me stupid, but I fail to see the logic in that. A far cry from all my other friends who jokingly try to make others pay for them... These 2 are like mommy and daddy...

So until I start earning, I am stuck going through a traumatic experience in which I yell, scream and cajole to let me my money. And always, I fail. And till that day, these 2 stubborn people shall triumph.

P.S.- I love you guys
:D

"Who am I?" The Canine Perspective OR Mom, what's that animal again?

Silly but logical conversation #29865

Venue- Outside my building.
Protagonists- Brick and me.
Subject- A huge golden Labrador that is my neighbour.

It started with me mentioning that the dog's name was Tiger.
Why would anyone name their dog Tiger? After all, it would mean that you are calling your dog a cat. If knew what his name meant and signified, he might protest mightily. Ok sure a tiger is a magnificent creature, but hey, it IS after all a big cat. So would Tiger be his own worst enemy? Would he get confused whenever he wagged his tail and wonder if he is happy or angry?

Even better, what if there is a little kid in the house who has just learnt what a tiger is. Wouldn't he be mightily confused as to what is a tiger and what is a dog? "If my dog is a Tiger then what is a dog?" Poor confused child.

So... moral of the story... Do not name your dog Tiger. Think of the confusion and trauma you would save both your dog as well as your child (future child, niece, nephew, etc.)

Better yet, just name him Dog. At least it would make more sense.

What is the height of restlessness?

5 feet 8 inches.

Cannot sit still. Do not know what to do. Start something and drop it midway. Want a puppy. Craving a lifestyle change without knowing exactly what that even means.

Don't ask.

Drop that remote!!!

How would life be if you had not yelled at someone 5 years ago? If you had not been utterly miserable 4 years ago? If you had got something you longed for desperately 3 years ago? If you had not made one seemingly incongruous decision 2 years ago? If you had been stubborn as usual and refused to listen to reason? If you had been able to take back something you said to someone once, which made you feel terrible inside?

A whole lot different...

Things we do, so unconnected with anything else, have such an impact on our lives. Things we wish we could take back, show their value a couple of years down the line. Something or someone you wish you could have but fail to acquire, and are heartbroken about, actually show their purpose much later when you are able to attain something much better and thank your stars then.

It's a good thing life doesn't have a rewind button like we so often wish it did. We would miss out on a hell of a lot otherwise.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Poor Grandmom...

Most of the K's in my life are pretty nonsensical.. This one I think began the trend.. another nonsense K conversation (konversation!!) for the masses. Enjoy :)

K: Biased zuccini

Me: Eh?

K: Stop behaving like a biased zuccini… new slang.

Me: Hahahahah! Isn’t that a vegetable?

K: Yes like cucumber. First of all, i dont think zuccini should be a name of a vegetable..... sounds more like a planet or a place in Spain.

Me: Oh yes Spain maybe this originated in Spain you never know

K: But what an obnoxious name for a veggie..like u go to a subway outlet and tell him, yeah please add some zuccini to the sandwich pls.

Me: Hahaha when you said biased zuccini, it sounded like a character name in Harry potter who is pretty obnoxious.. So the whole aura of the veggie is obnoxious.

K: Well, a cucumber at least tastes like what it sounds… A zuccini is nowhere close. It sounds like you are going to eat a city in Mexico.

Me: Another weird name is okra… It just sounds like Oprahs favourite vegetable.

K: Well..... Controversial but still, taking it as bhindi....... its still edible in sound. Broccoli, however the name sounds, does sound edible.

Me: Yeah.. zuccini has too much of an exotic European touch… Sounds like a guy with too much gel in his hair.

K: Yeah..... thats right too..... or something that an old woman would scream falling out of her 3rd floor kitchen window!!! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaahahahahha!

Me: Why would she scream zuccini instead of help or aaah? Now you’re just being silly… well sillier… oh I know… It sounds like the godfather giving kharcha pani to some guy.

K: No re absolutely not.

Me: It can... very imaginable.

K: I think an old woman falling from her window face down would scream something like zucchini. Not an Indian woman. A Spanish or Mexican woman.

Me: Unless Zuccini was her evil grandson with too much hair gel who pushed her out, why would she scream that??

K: Oooooo good one…that would give reason to the theory.

me: uh huh... yes the guy would have to be evil…Yes and I think the winners are: a place in Spain and the hair gel guy.

K: so instead of a cucumber like veggie, zuccini is the extra hair gelled guy who throws his grandmom off the 3rd floor kitchen window face down… Spanish grandmom to be precise.

Me: Indeed… In a place in Spain which he was named after.

K: We should start a zuccipedia.