Saturday, May 26, 2007


Pessimism. Gets so much flak doesn’t it? People are always advised to look on the bright side, not to harbor negative thoughts, and the like.. Though this might hold true for some things, I have found that pessimism works for me… I don’t mean to sound like a killjoy here, but it does… Those who have read my earlier posts know that I’m a big dreamer, lost in my own world, and though that sounds nice and candy-flossy, it has its downsides. When you dream, you more likely than not expect something out of those dreams... You expect them to come true or at least have some semblance of coming true. And when that doesn’t happen, you’re let down…

Forget dreams, even basic things… anything... Basically if you set your hopes too high, there’s more of a chance that they will come crashing down on you, if you expect something, you set you yourself for disappointment... So why hope or expect? If you don’t expect something to happen, what can happen is: either it doesn’t happen and you’re proved right so no actual disappointment, or it does happen and that makes you ecstatic... Compare this with being optimistic... You expect something and it happens... Sure you’re happy but you expected it anyway... If it doesn’t happen, you’re crushed… now which option sounds better?

Lately, this pessimism ideology is working for me... Else I’m this person who always expects people to do things just because I would, or things to happen because they should... Now this doesn’t mean I’m going to stop dreaming, that’s too much a part of me now.. But don’t expect all that much, and be grounded… that’s what I think I’ll do. For a while, my favourite saying has been “It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting”,and that is lovely and admittedly true… but lately… “It’s the event of having a dream come true that makes life interesting”, and that’s not really that often..

(It is to be noted that the author was extremely frustrated at the time this was written and admits that conversion cannot be ruled out. She realizes how arcane and disheartened this sounds and is in fact available for selected comment.)

P.S.- The above was written quite a long time ago and stored on my computer... My belief was shaken briefly a while back but now it's back to my original stand and unfortunately I have to relearn how to stop expecting things... Oh well...

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Kid talk

Yesterday I got into a strange mood which I could only describe as feeling like a pouting kid. Well this didn’t exactly describe it perfectly but it’s as close as I could get.

First off, I think sad kids are very cute. Ok not when I see a screeching little girl but when I imagine a baby with its lower lip out I go all “awww”. But that’s not the point. Kids tend to get sad at anything they think is a big deal. They might lose it over absolutely trivial things. I thought of an example like a little girl, maybe 3 years old, getting royally upset because someone (maybe a mean toddler bro) told her that her lollipop looked stupid. Now this is nothing to get upset about but will not stop a kid from thinking it’s the end of the world. In fact I’ve even read this somewhere, that kids will find trifles the end of the world but might not be perturbed by the important things. Imagine telling the same kid that the Sensex fell by 1000 points. Or that India is having finance problems. She wouldn’t care less because she doesn’t know about that stuff. It doesn’t matter to her. What does matter to her is her lollipop. And hence the fuss and tears till her brother grudgingly admits that her lollipop is not stupid or till she forgets about it and maybe gets a new lollipop.

Kids have their own mentality. I remember myself at the age of maybe 5 or so. I had learnt a new big word and was mighty proud of myself. The word was “universe” which was a big deal then since all the kids were still stuck on cat and mat and the like. We had to make cards in school on that fateful day. In mine I used the word universe somewhere. The teacher read my card along with the rest and kept mum, not noticing much less acknowledging my achievement! I was devastated… I remember feeling so bad… similarly I remember feeling quite high and mighty when after our first lesson on evaporation, I stuck to my belief that water poured on the soil went down and not up as everyone else claimed and I was proved right… (Yay :P)

And so, I state the bare text… Kids get elated at their own little triumphs which seem big in their eyes and unhappy at similar types of defeats and at anything important to them in their own tiny expanding world.

P.S. - Actually that last line applies to everyone. People get emotional viz. happy or sad about anything that concerns them…

P.P.S.- How this exactly explained my mood I’m not sure but once I sat with all this in my head I forgot to pout :)

Friday, May 18, 2007


In Singapore, one train station floor had tiles with certain signs on it... symbols... random tiles here and there with designs engraved into it... and then... one had the same engraving but in gold... And I thought... What if that particular station was actually a treasure map... What if the tiles meant something... But what?? And the gold one... that was the definitive one... It was the key to the puzzle... and I wanted to stay and figure out the puzzle... the engravings looked like hieroglyphics so maybe it was an Egyptian treasure, stolen from a museum maybe and hidden here, in the modern station, where no one would suspect it and the map would just appear like a design on the floor, deceptively appearing as being decorative... but alas... this remains unsolved and the treasure remains hidden until the next time I go there without an impatient mother telling me to hurry up, or until another vigilante notices this and applies his mind and overactive imagination...

Exchange offer :P

If you care for someone, their problems become yours. Conversely, your problems become theirs as well if they care as much... What's the explanation? If someone else is upset, you're as upset as if it's your own problem... Is that good or bad? Well you're upset for a longer period of your life... but it's nice/bad to know that someone else is also so worried about you and takes your own problems to heart; the confusion is because in the first place you don't want the other person to suffer at all and that's why you feel bad for them when something's wrong for them in the first place but when you're upset, so are they... double dose of upset... good or bad? Ok it's confusing... always nice to know someone cares but I guess if you actually do care then the fact that you're feeling upset about something that has nothing to actually do with you but the happiness of someone else you care about doesn't really matter to you... All you want is the other person to be happy... I have no idea as such what I want to say... Usually when I have a khichdi in my head writing makes it clear but I guess the problem arises when there's actually no khichdi at all... All this is kind of obvious... No point... Huh? Over and out...

FINE city...

Just got back from Singapore... Singapore is a fine city... So the citizens themselves proclaim... and it's true definitely.. Why fake modesty? It's pristinely clean, no dust on the roads, no litter anywhere... their train stations are better than our airports... Why? Because Singapore is a FINE city... massive fines along with community service (cleaning the roads, et al) for littering or any such thing at all... nice... Nice change from here where the police themselves contribute to the filthiness of this place... Oh well... I had a nice trip...