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Monday, April 30, 2007

Yours Sasta-fully

A tag I have been veritably conferred upon me and a status that has been bestowed upon me since the 1st semester of college…. I am officially the “sasta queen” of the batch. “Huh?” you say? Let me make it clear for you.

It all started last September when I was returning to college by a large number of train changes. The fateful trip was one to Delhi. We were all on the way back to college after a fun filled inter college festival and we had with us a fourth year, a guy who looked serious, responsible and utterly aloof… he had proved to be quite friendly during the course of our stay and the other assumptions about him proved to be right, but no one would have imagined the depth of his character, the hidden traits of his soul… he was, without a doubt the most sasta person I had ever laid eyes, ears or mind upon! (Let me explain sasta, I did not know the meaning either before this momentous trip. It means utterly and totally silly, a poor joke raised to levels of being as poor as can be… such a cheap joke, hence the term sasta, that at times you could confer the status of free upon it. Of course there are levels of sasta-ness also… some jokes are just plain sad while others make you laugh uncontrollably while wanting to pull out the person’s hair out. This particular senior was of the latter category). Now on this trip, he exposed his true colours… proclaiming his hunger by singing loudly- “Mujhe bhook lagi hai mast mast….” Yeesh!!!

Now we’re all lying down, the last talk of the day before everyone hits the sack… when suddenly this tall guy, who’s lying on the top berth pokes his head out from one end, his feet out from the other and starts repeating in a sepulchral tone- “Mahi ve…” Why? No one knows, but this started affecting me. I broke out into fits of laughter at this and refused to stop, and having witnessed my famous laughing fits that very day in which I start laughing and refuse to stop for hours on end, my friends got worried. Trying their best to control me, they could not control the senior on top who suddenly decided to crack a joke... He asked- Keeping in mind recent Hindi movies, how would you greet President APJ Abdul Kalam? What happened next was startling… not a second had passed when I answered- “Kalam Namastayy”!!! My friends were all shell shocked, not to mention the senior… It was like they witnessed the height of matching wavelengths and saw a whole new side of me. And they were even more worried. Hence emerged the sasta queen who cracked utterly strange jokes at the drop of a hat, instantaneously, spontaneously! And my friends adapted… they accepted me in my new avatar, pretending to groan at my jokes but enjoying them all the same… But one disadvantage came with this elevated position of the Sasta Queen. As of now, any joke I crack is deemed to be sasta… it’s like my friends refuse to believe that I can crack a normal joke!!!

Let me give some examples of my jokes. They have become so famous that people from my college who had gone to Bangalore for a sports fest returned after 2 weeks and verified whether I had actually said such a thing, with me straining to remember what I had said, getting incredulous that my fame was spreading so far and wide. My Kalam Namaste joke still holds the top position but others are remembered also, such as the time when I asked a friend from Pathankot to give me her “Pathan”-coat since I was feeling cold. So also is the incident in which I started singing “So ja jaaneman” to a friend who was feeling sleepy, mimicking the famous song from Roja. Oh so many exist… so many that I can’t even remember.The latest one was just a couple of days back when 3 of my guy friends were singing to me; the sequence goes as follows;

Guys: Ai… kya bolti tu?

Me: Ai… kya main boloon?

Guys: Sun

Me: Suna

Guys: Aati kya Patiala? (Their own attempt at a sasta)

Me: Kya karoon? Wardrobe mein chudidar…

Guys: ……………………….

………………………………….

Groan!!!

Hehehe and so it goes on… with me having part of my brain perpetually occupied crunching up information from the surrounding to convert into sastas (as my friend puts it), spreading joy and amusement, inducing laughs and groans in equal proportion, sacrificing my peace of mind to bring laughter into the world…. I think you get it... ;)

Signing out with full acknowledgment to those who helped in making me as I am today,

Yours Sincerely,

Divya

:)

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Operation birthday

Latest Target: Ms. Tresa Thomas

Location: New Girls Hostel 3

Date: 22nd April

Time: 11:59 pm

Objective: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!


A birthday in the girl’s hostel… A mission of sorts… Packed with action, adventure, giggles and a mess. It begins with a few of the concerned to-be-birthday girl’s friends planning what to do for the said girl’s approaching birthday. Plans are made, money is pooled, gifts are bought… This is but a paltry work… The real job is yet to be done… It’s the icing on the cake… It’s the cake itself… one day before the birthday, on the birthday eve, an exclusive duo is usually selected to be the honoured ones to purchase the cake… They sneak out of college without the birthday girl’s knowledge, scour the city and return with the prized possession after enduring it all… traffic, fumes, umm... stray camels! But it is done… and then it is snuck into the hostel itself… elusively hidden in one of the few fridges of someone or the other (I’m usually an often privileged party providing refuge to the same). Then as midnight approaches, the girls are summoned. The cake is kept ready and we go forth… knock on the concerned door and scream it out- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! And she beams with joy and pretends she knows nothing of the cake awaiting her… And as the girls sing and the cake is cut, it is dabbed on her face as she is hugged by everyone. And of course- birthday bumps… and as it was in the latest mission, a water fight between the birthday girl and another. Quite scandalous if any guy were to see it but thoroughly enjoyable!


Sounds nice, doesn’t it? The sad part is, I shall never have this… All the years I shall be here, my birthday falls in the vacations… I’ll spare you the tears, the sorrow, the heartbreak(:P) but I didn’t spare a couple of my friends back home though. This last birthday, they popped up at home at midnight with a cake, flowers, gifts!!! I was shocked, I was taken aback, I was touched. It was brilliant. Being at home for my birthday is great for sure, but the very experience… People going out of their way to ensure you have a cake on your birthday, whether or not there is an end term exam the next day (in Tresa’s case), celebrating together… I wish I could have that… I absolutely love my friends back home for doing what they did on my last birthday but alas…I shall not have that any more too since I have recently shifted house… Oh well… let’s just say I’m compelled to remain a giver… Thanks Sal and Karishma, you guys rock! And so does my hostel… Here’s to many, many more cakes and birthdays!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Of Donald Duck, bees and life in the future...

Not had a nice nonsensical conversation up here for a while!! So here goes…

The conversation was between me and 5K… It started out with me saying how silly Donald Duck is for not wearing pants but wearing a towel when he steps out of the shower and rushes to cover himself when it is pulled off! Now 5K jus HAD to counter that for the sake of arguing… went on to explain how the water and soap created certain adverse conditions which mandated the requirement of a towel and it was only on closer examination that this could be realised… I fought this… What if Donald Duck suddenly fell into a lake! Come on, he is a duck after all… where then would he get a towel from…?? Now I won this round… it was then pointed out that the same would apply for Mickey Mouse but I said that that was true but Donald was so much more fun to ridicule than Mickey… Topic came up that this was true since Donald was silly enough to dress up as a bee and try to steal honey from a hive… now after this the conversation that followed led to some interesting conclusions…


Why do bees even make so much honey if it’s going to be stolen by man anyway? Because, in ancient times, when man did not exist, bees foresaw that such a silly creature as man would come into being who would steal all its honey... thus it was resigned to its fate and started producing extra honey so that man would get his share. But then we should get it packaged and purified ya… In the near or not-so-near future, bees will start producing packaged honey… with a label with a barcode signifying the number of the hive, the supervisor of the batch and of course, the name of the queen- Her Esteemed Majesty- Queen Ayesha… (dunno why that name, just seemed to fit…). But now what would we give in exchange for this? In the future, the economy would be different. Things would be exorbitantly expensive. To provide payment, the hives which have agreed to do this honey production for mankind would be placed in a garden which was rent-free, i.e., the bees would not have to pay the high rent normally expected from an occupant of the garden, while it was not so with anyone else. Now the person for whom the bees are producing honey should get all the honey right? But no… black marketing shall always exist… the bees will pretend to give us all their honey but secretly keep a hidden stash and gorge on it at our expense… and of course fed that fat queen of theirs, Queen Ayesha…

Well this led to the discussion of the life cycle of a bee and its hive politics which are as complicated, if not more, than an episode of the bold and the beautiful. Which led to the “birds and the bees”. Which led to much more nonsense… Aah glorious…